Xander Harris & The Guide
by Tubbs McGee
Summary: The Scoobies are recruited into fixing Warrens mess across the Multi-Verse. But how can a Restaurant MC and a Robot several times older than the Universe help them begin their journey? And why does 'The Set' look so familiar? Sequel to Xander Harris & The Ultimate Gloves.
1. Dinner Reservations

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything but the plot, I'm just borrowing the characters and making them jump for my amusement. Buffy and Co belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. Hitchhiker's Guide to The Galaxy and its Characters belongs to Douglas Adams, as well as a few lines from 'Restaurant at the End of the Universe' that I use in this story.

**Spoilers:** Everything Buffy Season 1-7 and Everything in the Hitchhikers "Trilogy in Five Parts" books. "And Another Thing..." is not part of this continuity, sorry.

**Author's Note:** For the backstory of how Buffy and the rest ended up where they are, please read the first story, Xander Harris & The Ultimate Gloves, which can be found on my author page.

**^Hello^ = Foreign/Alien Language.**

* * *

The world wouldn't keep still. It kept twirling and swirling and moving about in a very evil like way. They were all sprawled out on the ground, the portal having spewed them out with force. Mia lay on top of Hailey, Buffy had managed to land on her back, Xander on his stomach next to her. Momma was on her back kicking her legs frantically as she tried to roll onto her side next to John, the man on his hands and knees, groaning as his lungs re-inflated after having the wind knocked out of him.

^Excuse me, Gentlemen, Ladies?^ A posh accent asked from somewhere.

Xander lifted his face out of the plush carpet below him and blinked a few times, Buffy's hair coming into view as his vision began to clear. His hands played with the plush carpet below his body as he realised Buffy was sprawled on her back before him and was staring up at the ceiling. He twisted his head to see what she was staring at and his eyes bulged. Hang high above them was a large ornate chandelier, lit up by various globes of light that seemed to dance around it in an orbital pattern.

"Stop the ceiling, I wanna get off..." Mia groaned from his side.

"Don't think the ceiling is the one moving girl," John groaned himself, turning to look at her. The world gave a huge lurch and he instantly closed his eyes at the onslaught of movement.

^Excuse me, but do you have a reservation?^ The voice spoke up again.

"Please tell me Willow redecorated the campus," Buffy stared at the chandelier. "And added that hovering, glowing monstrosity just to mess with people's expectations of Wicca/Earth Goddess Chic couture."

"Ask her yourself, but if she's had a non-Xander approved contractor in doing shoddy work..." Xander grunted, pushing himself up to his knees. He turned to the person standing next to him and proceeded to blink several times at the being. "Seriously Will, if I find out you hired Concord Construction to install that monstrosity-" he pointed up at the ceiling behind him before stopping abruptly. "-You're not Willow..."

^I'm afraid not Sir,^ the being squeaked at him.

"What the hell is that?" Hailey yelled suddenly noticing the being standing next to them. She tried to throw Mia off of her and pull a weapon from her bag of holding but only managed to tangle herself up even more with the younger slayer.

The being, for he wasn't a man, stood straight at four feet, it was purple skinned and wrinkled, a large white moustache took up half its face, the other half was filled with two sets of eyes and no hair. It bowed slightly, it's left arm bent in front of itself, a napkin draped over its forearm, it's right arm held a small tablet-like device as two small tyrannosaurus-like arms protruded from its chest, each poised to begin tapping the smooth surface. Xander blinked a few more times as he realised it was dressed in a fine black tuxedo with two bow ties, one around its shirt collared neck and another between its two small extra arms.

^Do... You... Have a... Reservation?^ it squeaked out more slowly.

"Huh?" Xander shook his head at the being, one set of its eyes watching Xander, the other not moving from Hailey as she managed to produce a small dagger.

"Where are we?" John growled, finally getting to his feet. Momma managed to stand too and moved closer to John, increasing her size so she was almost eye level with the man as his hand moved to his holster and his S.H.I.E.L.D. particle weapon.

"Don't," she nudged his hand away from the weapon before turning to Hailey. "Put it away."

^Do... You-Oh…^ the purple being suddenly rolled all four of its eyes and huffed. ^Honestly, dealing with un-evolved life forms has got to be the worst part of this job...^

"Why is it squeaking at us Xander," Hailey ignored Momma's order and took a defensive stance, Buffy and John quickly following despite Momma moving casually closer to the being. Buffy grabbed the dagger from Hailey and palmed it into her jacket pocket, now noticing the room at large, her Slayer instincts flaring at all the eyes currently on their group.

"Don't know... But I don't think this is the Coven's Workshop." Xander shook his head. "We, don't, understand..." He gestured about wildly as if he could make up for his lack of language skills with hand movements.

^Of course you don't,^ the being squeaked with a sigh. Rolling his eyes again he turned on his heel and moved to a small podium. Putting the tablet and the napkin down he reached underneath with his two small arms and returned with a tray with several vials on it. ^Here, stick theses...^

But he didn't get a chance to finish before Xander had stood fully and snatched one of the vials from the tray.

"Holy Crap!" He exclaimed, turning the vial over in his hand, careful not to shake its contents. "No way..." He looked down at the being. "No... Way!" He said, a large grin on his face.

"Xander?" Buffy asked, the being trying to offer a vial to her. She stared at the vials before gingerly taking one and the being moved to the others.

Xander looked around the large foyer, finally noticing all the people and beings around them now. There were beings with two heads, five heads, no heads, others with one eye, six eyes, scales, fifteen legs or one leg, giant man like birds and spider beings, cheetah men with dolled up lady lions hanging on their arms, and even, Xander had to smile as there was no other way to describe them, hyper-intelligent shades of the colour blue.

"Xander, why am I holding a vial with a small yellow fish in it?" John asked staring at the two vials the being had insisted he take.

The small being moved in front of Xander and squeaked again having put away the now empty tray and it produced a gold fob watch from its waistcoat, then looked behind Xander and the line of beings waiting to be seated.

"Oh, right!" Xander almost jumped as he began to open the vial. "Ah, reservation, right?" He asked, tipping the vial's contents into his hand, not caring about the water he dripped on the ground. The being nodded as Xander looked at the small yellow fish in his hand, about the size of a piece of whitebait. He studied the impossible creature, noting the way it's yellow scales almost seemed to be painted on, making it look like a caricature or artists rendering of what a fish would look like. Mentally shrugging he nodded to the being. "Try Xander Harris or Buffy Summers, party of six," he hurriedly said, putting the fish in his ear. "Oh, if you've got Zaphod Beeblebrox down there I'm sure he won't mind if we crash his table!" He looked about excitedly.

"No," Momma stopped the small purple being as Xander took one of the vials from John, opened it and put the contents into one of the Hyena's ears. The slimy fish slithered into her ear, the foreignness of it being there causing her to shiver for a second before the feeling disappeared, her ear feeling like it had nothing there at all. "Look under The Set." Momma informed him as Xander instructed the others to do as he did with the vials.

"The Set, very good Ma'am," the purple being said, the Great Hyena and Xander understanding him perfectly now.

"Xander?" Buffy stared at the little yellow fish.

"Oh...!" Hailey stared at the vial. "Oh!" She looked around realising where they were before pointing to a sign several feet away. "Oh my God it is, we're at Milliways!" She jumped up and down on the spot before almost ripping the lid off the vial and putting the Babel Fish into her ear.

The others turned to look at the sign, confused as to why the name made the young girl excited. Xander in turn took the fish from each person and proceeded to put them in Mia, John and Buffy's ears.

"Argh!" They each yelled, shivering at the sensation.

Buffy was about to complain and wrench the fish out when it felt like it disappeared and the little purple being said "Ah yes, here we are, The Set, party of seven," it squeaked, each of the Scoobies now understanding it perfectly. "I'm afraid you have arrived early, but The Set has left a message for you."

"Yes? What does she say?" Momma asked, Buffy, John and Mia staring at the purple being as Xander and Hailey started pointing to the various beings around the foyer.

"The message is a simple one," the being pulled a small card out from the podium. "Sit and order, I will join and explain at The End." He held the card out to Buffy.

The Chosen Slayer just stared at the being before he sighed and handed it to Xander, the man taking it absently and pointing to a bar several feet away.

"Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters," He gestured in awe to two green scaled looking aliens as they raised glasses to the air, clinked them together, drained them and promptly flopped backwards, gripping the bar tightly to stop themselves hitting the floor.

"For the Gentleman, and Miss," The being reappeared and held out two tablet like devices to Xander and Hailey. Each Slayer took a second to realise what they were, but the large friendly letters on the front were unmistakable. "The Set also instructed you both to get a copy of this... Rag." he huffed.

"Wow..." Hailey snatched the device from the being. "It really says 'Don't Panic' on the front!"

"Willow is going to be so jealous when she sees these..." Xander opened up the cover.

~The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, a wholly remarkable book...~ the Guide began as Xander paused it and moved to the index. After a couple seconds he found what he was looking for. ~Flying...~ it said as he typed in the corresponding code for the Guide entry. ~There is an art to flying, or rather a knack. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss. Clearly, it is this second part, the missing, that presents the difficulties...~

"Ah-hmm" The being irrupted Xander from the Guide entry. "If the ladies and gentlemen would like to follow Mr. Dixle, he will be more than happy to show you to your table where you can continue to read your, *hem*, 'book'." The purple being gestured to a tall, long limbed, orange skinned gentlemen in a matching tuxedo. "And the Universe will explode later for your pleasure."

"What?" John, Buffy and Mia stared at the purple being.

* * *

Mr. Dixle directed them to follow him into one of the arms of the starfish looking building and into what would be their dining venue of the restaurant. The room was the biggest dining room they had seen outside of a televised awards night. Tables littered the room in all sorts of sizes and styles, much like the beings that sat around them. The Scoobies didn't know where to look as they worked their way through the room. It seemed that every colour of an insane artists colour wheel had exploded in the room and permanently dyed people's skins. There were orange beings, pink beings, red, yellow, bright green, and fluorescent mauve, some that light seemed to bounce off spectacularly, and others that light seemed to absorb into as they blended into their surroundings, lizard men and cat women, tall scaly things and small furry beings. And all these beings sat at tables, laughing, eating and drinking.

If the beings that occupied the room were amazing to watch, the ceiling was spectacular to behold, hanging above them was a large glass dome. It was thick, and and therefore hard to make out the black void with a mish-mash of colours of its own that was beyond it and yet it still drew your eyes to it as you sat beneath it. It looked desolate, and cold, and yet seemed to give off a intense feeling that it might explode into flames at any second. Several chandeliers like the one in the foyer hovered by the ceiling, moving around the room like orbiting giant jellyfish, deciding on their own to stop above tables for a few seconds before moving off again.

"Here you are Gentlemen," Mr. Dixle waved a long arm to a round table with six seats around it and a small chaise lounge. "Ladies," he pulled out a chair for Buffy, the Slayer still taking in the room at large like everyone else. When it was apparent she wasn't going to sit he turned to Momma and directed her to the lounge. "If Ma'am would like a different seating choice one can be provided." He smiled widely as Momma nodded to him and climbed up, draping her front paws and head on the raised end that faced the table.

"No, this is fine." She replied looking to the others.

"Very good Ma'am." Mr. Dixle the waiter inclined his head in a nod.

Xander and Hailey had already sat down and were eagerly opening drink menus when Momma nipped at Johns hand to get his attention and Mr. Dixle cleared his throat at Buffy and Mia, standing where he had pulled two seats out for the Slayers.

"Ma'am, Miss, if you would like to take your seats." Mia hastily took the offered seat next to Hailey and Buffy eyed him as she took her seat next to Xander, Mr. Dixle pushing her chair in under her. "Now, can I start you off with something to drink?" He asked producing a waiters pad and pen from nowhere.

"I'll have a Pan Galactic-" Hailey began.

"No she won't!" Xander snapped his volume of the wine list closed and looked stern at her. Hailey shrunk a little in her seat at the gaze.

"Ok, gosh, I won't..." she looked back to the drinks menu. "I had to try though..." she whispered behind the menu.

"Ah, Mister Dixie was it?" Buffy asked peering at the waiter.

"Dixle, ma'am." He corrected.

"Can you give us a few minutes please," she looked him up and down.

"Of course ma'am, the time journey can be very disorienting to first timers," he bowed and turned, walking off to attend to another table.

"Ok, what is going on?" Buffy turned to Xander, Hailey and Momma. "Where are we? Why aren't we back on the Magic Box Campus?"

"We, Buffy, as strange as it sounds are at Milliways, the Restaurant at the End of the Universe," Xander gestured around him. "Which I don't think is IN our Universe."

"So we hopped to a different Universe than our own..." Buffy frowned before getting an angry look on her face. "Again."

"Yes..." Xander reached for her hand and gave it a little squeeze.

"Milliways?" John asked looking down at his drinks list and the restaurants logo along with a small tag line underneath. "If you've done six impossible things this morning, why not round it off with breakfast at Milliways, the Restaurant at the End of the Universe" he read aloud. "Weird theme for a restaurant, bit too science fiction for my tastes."

"But that's the thing!" Hailey smiled. "It is from science fiction, all this," she gestured around them. "Is from the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy."

"It's a book series." Xander clarified.

"It was a radio play first." Hailey added, Xander just gave her a 'I knew that' look, which she ignored. "And a short tv series. It's British," she looked proud as she spoke. "Written by Douglas Adams. Mum and Dad used to read the books to me and my brother. I always loved the idea of flagging down a spaceship to go explore different worlds and aliens...,"

"How do you know about it Xander?" Mia asked.

"Well, I wasn't this cool my whole life," he smiled. "I used to be a geek."

"Still a geek Harris." John laughed, Xander frowning before shrugging and nodding his agreement.

"Something must have happened to the Portal," Buffy mused. "Strange was sending us home-"

"Stark said his instruments read the Zone Radiation as our Universe..." John said still looking around them at the various aliens.

"So what are we doing here?" Hailey asked in a whisper as a party of large green ugly beings were shown to their table, the politician looking aliens were grumbling and complaining the whole while. "Oh wow, Xander look, they have to be Vogons!"

"We are here to meet The Set," Momma said with a huff of nervousness. Everyone turned to her. "Strange was never going to send us home, we may never get home..." she lay her head down on the arm of the lounge. "Warren screwed up," she practically spat the name. "The Set has a task for us."

"The Set?" Buffy frowned. "Who or what is The Set?"

"They are the End." Momma told her as Mr. Dixle returned to the table.

"So, anything to drink?"

After Mr. Dixle left to get their drinks Momma urged everyone to open their menus and decide what they wanted to eat, informing them that everything would be explained at the end of the meal when they met the last of their party. Everyone reluctantly opened their menus and were immediately silenced at the long lists and many, many pages of dishes on offer.

"Whatever you do, don't ask or agree to meet the 'Dish of the Day', you'll regret it..." Xander informed the table.

"Oh, I forgot about that..." Hailey quickly looked at the tables around them, finally spotting a large white and brown rear end of what looked like a cow, if it wasn't for the pig like horned face on the other end, conversing with a table of patrons who were feeling its rump and back.

"Dish of the Day?" Mia asked.

"Ameglian Major Cow, Ma'am," Mr. Dixle reappeared suddenly, drink tray held aloft with his long arm. He made a show of quickly throwing each glass onto the table in front of its corresponding diner without spilling a drop, a feat that would have gotten applause at any other table, but barely raised an eyebrow from the Scoobies who where too bewildered with their surroundings to notice. "It is a mammal specificity breed to want you to eat him. Tonight's Major Cow is Gerald, he's very lovely, loves a chat," he continued when it was apparent they were unimpressed with his glass handling skills. "I can call him over-" he gestured to the animal as it moved to another table.

"NO!" Xander and Hailey said as one.

"I mean, no, no thank you..." Xander deliberately ignored where Mr. Dixle had indicated the Major Cow was. "I'm sure he's nice, but that won't be necessary."

"As you wish," he smiled sweetly before turning to the table at large. "Now, have we decided on an entrée?"

* * *

"Who have we got in tonight?" The Master of Ceremonies, Max Quordlepleen, asked with a sigh before downing a bright green liquid. He was slumped in his makeup chair, leaning forward as the green liquid burned down his throat to give him a nice warm glow in his chest. The feeling of warmth radiated out to the rest of his body, but it didn't show on his face, which still looked forlorn and tired.

"The usual I'm afraid," the stage manager, Peesht handed him a list of names.

"Oh Belgium, not the Norse again..." Max read through the list. "I'll introduce them first, stop them from getting riled up in case they think I forgot them." He paused, re-reading a set of names. "Is this correct?" He pointed at the list before he picked up the bottle from the makeup table and poured himself another shot and downed it.

Peesht looked at him strangely, his floppy skin shaking slightly on his bat like face before he took a look at his own copy of the list on his clipboard. "Who?" He scanned the paper.

"Them," Max pointed again, the warmth of his second drink again radiating out into his extremities, but still it did not show on his face.

"The Chosen One and the Scoobies..." Peesht scratched his bat like ear before adjusting his headset and microphone. "As far as I know. Eedwhrd had just informed me they had been seated just before I bought the list to you. I believe they are seated in Dixle's section, oh, ah, they are waiting for one more party to join them." he remembered as he flicked though a couple pages of his clip board. "Ah, The Set, whoever he is, isn't there yet, but front of house says they aren't going to be here for the show, so it shouldn't be a problem."

Max just stared at the man-like bat thing that was his Stage Manager, not sure he had heard what he had. He was about to ask him when Peesht's headset crackled before someone spoke on the other end. As Peesht answered he decided he needed a third drink and proceeded to pour himself a double.

"No, I told you last time, if Zarquon wants to be part of the show he has to show up to rehearsal." Peesht raised a webbed hand to his headset. "Second Coming or no Second Coming, no rehearsal, no stage time, if I let every yahoo on stage who skipped rehearsal we might as well set up a Karaoke Machine and be done with it." the headset crackled again as someone answered him.

"The Set is coming..." Max shook his head as the drink warmed him again, this time the warmth radiated on his face. "And the Slayers are meeting her..." he smiled. "The damage is going to be fixed, finally."

"What do you mean he's technically not here yet?" Peesht almost yelled into his headset. "Well it goes double for his believers, just because they want a proper Second Coming of the Holy Prophet Zarquon doe not mean I'm going to put him on the setlist and just hope he shows up." the headset crackled once more before Peesht relaxed. "Thank you Damian."

Peesht gave a sigh, rolling his eyes at the actions of his assistant before turning back to Max. He was a bit startled to see Max looking almost happy, and not the usual fake happiness he put on for the punters onstage. He was putting on his make up with a vigour he hadn't seen in his friend in a long time. 'Then again,' he thought to himself. 'Its hard to get worked up over anything when you see the end of existence every day, over and over and over again.'

"Peesht," Max looked at the man-bat alien in the mirror, a large grin on his face. "Tonight is going to be a night to remember..."

"That's nice Max," Peesht smiled back at him. "Ok, fifteen minute warning," he looked at a wall mounted chronometer before heading out of the dressing room.

"And if I'm right," Max smiled as he paused to look at himself. "Hopefully the last!" He returned to applying his make up, his last comment heard by no one as Peesht immediately began shouting at stage hands as the door closed.

* * *

"This is really good," Buffy almost moaned as she ate another mouthful of white truffle risotto. "Xander, you have to try this..." she offered her spoon to him.

"I'm good." Xander declined, cutting into his plate size ribeye, the equally large bowl of mash potato and butter next to it attacked as well.

"All the vastness of dishes they had on the menu, and of the few we actually recognise, you still got mash potatoes..." Buffy rolled her eyes.

"I can't believe I had to describe what a potato was to Mr. Dixle," Xander stuck his tongue out at Buffy as he moved the bowl away from her as if to horde them.

"Leave him alone," John huffed as he chewed on his own mouthful of steak. "Least they had potatoes to mash." he huffed taking a sip of his bourbon, or at least what they had that passed for bourbon.

"It's not their fault they didn't have bacon bits for your baked potato," Xander laughed. "This isn't Outback Steakhouse."

"It just ain't the same..." John huffed again.

"I agree, menu could be more considerate." Momma said as she ate another cube of meat from her plate.

"Momma, I love you," Mia made a face. "But if they had brought you Gerald's actual ribcage, I don't think I could stomach eating at the same table as you."

"Yeah..." Hailey agreed, raising a fork in salute.

"It would have been a better last meal..." she pushed the plate away with her snout and laid her head on the armrest of her lounge.

"Last meal?" each of them repeated, stopping in their eating to stare at their food and then to the Great Hyena.

Whatever Momma was going to say in answer was drowned out as the band began to play faster, and the lights dimmed, the roaming chandeliers retreating from the dining room and out into the foyer. A spotlight lit up a section of stairs that lead up to a stage ten tables away and a tall, thin, brightly sparkled man bound up the stairs, pausing with his arms spread, milking the applause the tables before him were giving him. He took a few steps forward, waving and smiling and reacting to those in the audience he acknowledged as if they were long lost friends. After a few moments of him greeting the crowd in this way, and applause still ringing forth he swept passed the microphone stand and removed the microphone. He plastered a large wide smile that was genuine for the first time in over countless performances (Which Max could give the actual number if anyone cared to ask him).

"Thank you ladies and gentlemen!" He said warmly for the first time. "Thank you very much." he bowed slightly, his slicked back, black hair shining as it caught the spotlight. "Ladies and Gentlemen," he spoke seriously, straightening back up. "The Universe as we know it has now been in existence for over one hundred and seventy thousand million billion years," he gave them a cheeky smile. "Give or take a million or two..." he laughed along with the audience. "And it will be ending in a little over half an hour. So welcome one and all to Milliways, the Restaurant at the End of the Universe!"

He threw his hands up in the air with a flourish and the crowd again broke into applause. With another wave it died down just as quickly as it started.

"I am your host for tonight," he paused, striking his famous pose. "My name is Max Quordlepleen and I've just come straight from the very, very other end of time at the Big Bang Burger Bar," he rolled his eyes slightly as he recited the script he had performed so many times he could do it in his sleep, and there was a couple times when he had actually been asleep while he performed it. "Where I can tell you we had a very exciting evening ladies and gentlemen, and I will be with you right through this historic occasion, the End of History itself!"

At the end of the sentence the band hushed, a solo drum roll the only sound as the lights continued to dim, candles on all the tables igniting themselves to joint gasps and claps around the hall. The gasps happened again as the ceiling dome above the collective diners began to shimmy and fade to show more of the last of the Universe as it swirled outside. As the gasps and ohhh's died down the band began to play quietly.

"So ladies and gentlemen, the candles are lit, the band plays softly," Max whispered into his microphone. "And as the force-shielded dome above us fades into transparency, revealing a dark and sullen sky hung heavy with the ancient light of livid swollen stars, I can see we're all in for a fabulous evening's Apocalypse!" He smiled sadly, his eyes landing on the table the Scoobies were sitting at.

He quickly looked away from the Scoobies as several of them started at his words, others at other tables doing the same. It was always easy to figure out who either had never been to the restaurant, or those who had never even heard of the special fine dining eatery. The room hushed as people were calmed down or told to just enjoy the show and not take things so literal. The Force-shield finally finished its transformation as a light bathed the dining room in a disturbing glow that can only be found at the end of time. Everyone sat in silence as they took in the sight being shown above them.

"For those of you who ever hoped to see the light at the end of the tunnel," Max whispered again, his voice traveling over all those in attendance. "This is it."

The band began to play again, the start of some top of the pop number from some far off arm of the galaxy.

"Thank you, ladies and gentlemen! I'll be back with you in just a moment, and meanwhile our next act I have been told are nothing to be alarmed about ladies and gentlemen, Peesht my Stage Manager has assured me the Krikkit men are only programmed for backup harmonies!" Max laughed as some patrons gasped at the word 'Krikkit'. "Allow me to introduce, Sowadee and the Bail Seekers!" Max clapped his hands together, the audience paying attention to the stage now slowly joining in, some halfheartedly.

A small man with a large bouffant hairdo, white leather pants and a shirt unbuttoned to his navel ran out onto stage, grabbing the microphone from Max's hand and let out a wail of a note to start the song. As the spotlight glittered off the long gold chains that dangled down his hairy chest three robots in white metal armoured Krikkit pads joined him as three microphone stands were placed in front of them and they began to harmonise along with the song.

Max on the other hand had quickly left the stage, his face relaxing from his stage persona to look more somber. He debated what he was going to do next, looking back out at the crowd from behind the wing of the stage. He never went out into the crowd, never. The only interaction he ever wanted from them was the applause, and even then that was only because they had nothing else to offer him. But now... He looked through the curtain at the table the Scoobies were sitting at, each of them returning to their meals. They were here, his hearts skipped a beat for a second as he stared at the empty chair.

"They really are here to meet the Set..." he whispered to himself.

Max grasped the curtain, as if to move beyond it and out amongst the tables.

"No, no," he chastised himself. "You do not walk around like a cheap cabaret host," he slapped his own hand from gripping the curtain. "You are an artist! They can come to you."

* * *

They ignored the big haired small man as he sang his set list, instead they each turned back to Momma, the Hyena almost sulking, her head laying on her arms.

"Can we get back to what you said Em?" John asked, putting a hand on her shoulder. "Last meal?"

"That is what it feels like... I was a good mate was I not John?" She asked, a sad look on her face. "We were not together because we were alone, right?"

"What?" John leaned in closer. "No, we are together because we love each other, and the boy." He rubbed his forehead against hers, the hyena looking up at his eyes before looking to Xander.

"You still care about me even if I never look like her again...?" she whispered.

"I'll be with you till my last breath. We said we would be mates forever." John wiped a tear from her large eyes. "What brought this on?" He whispered back.

"The End is near..." at his quizzical look she just sighed. "The Set will reveal all Soldier." Momma smiled, her eyes sad and yet, there was a twinkle in them. "I am just nervous, I am being silly..."

"That's a first," John laughed, Momma sharing a smile.

"Ignore me. Please, enjoy your meals."

"Momma..." Xander pressed, as they all stared at the strange couple.

"The Set has a task for us. The Sorcerer Supreme informed me just who he had been in conversation with on his journey." she told them. "I am not equiped at the moment to help and I am not sure I am up to the gifts she has to offer... Or if I will still survive it if I am."

"Momma?" Xander reached for the Hyena.

"Cub..." she sighed. "I will sacrifice my body to become her again, to wield the power, but I don't know if..." she shook her head, her voice dying in her throat before nodding her head as the tables around them began to clap and cheer, the song having ended and Max reappearing on stage.

"Wonderful, wonderful!" Max clapped as he took the mic back. "Sowadee and the Bail Seekers!" The small man bowed, his three companions straightened up and gave a salute, producing Krikkit bats from no where and resting them on their shoulders to much gasps of fright before nervous laughing joined the clapping. "And now, ladies and gentlemen," he beamed, "Is everyone having one last wonderful time?" There were several shouts of affirmation from various tables, most notably from a section that seemed to have some kind of strobe lighting near them. "That's excellent," enthused Max, "Absolutely excellent. And as the photon storms gather in swirling clouds around us, preparing to tear apart the last of the red hot suns, I know you're all going to settle back and enjoy with me what I know we will find all an immensely exciting and terminal experience."

His eye twinkled just like he had been trained to do all those years ago.

"Believe me, ladies and gentlemen," he said, "There's nothing penultimate about this one." He paused, a smile on his face as he surprised himself. He was actually enjoying himself, the crowd was with him in his excitement. "This," he paused for dramatic effect, "Really is the absolute end, the final chilling desolation, in which the whole majestic sweep of creation becomes extinct. This ladies and gentlemen is the proverbial 'ìt'.

"After this," he said, "There is nothing. Void. Emptiness. Oblivion. Absolute nothing ..." he did his eye twinkle again, catching the eye of a very busty fuchsia skinned being. "Nothing..." he winked at her. "Except of course for the sweet trolley, and a fine selection of Aldebaran liqueurs!"

The drummer gave him a cymbal sting and the audience roared with laughter, much to the bewilderment of the Scoobies who were half paying attention, half watching Momma and wondering why she was acting this strangely.

"And now," Max said, strutting about the stage, "At the risk of putting a damper on the wonderful sense of doom and futility here this evening, I would like to welcome a few parties." He pulled a card from his pocket, a few tables around the room smartened themselves up at the prospect of being introduced.

"Do we have ..." he put up a hand to hold back the cheers, "Do we have ... A party of minor deities from the Halls of Asgard?" Almost instantly, away to his right came a rumble of thunder. Lightning arced across the stage, zapping a scorch mark next to Max. A small group of hairy men in armour and helmets sat looking very pleased with themselves, and raised their glasses to the sky, spilling mead as they did.

"Careful with that hammer, sir," Max joked with a cheeky grin. He turned back to the audience at large and noticed the Scoobies craning their necks to see the table he had mentioned. Deciding to ask about that later he turned back to his card. He didn't really need to refer to it, but it helped to play the part at times. "The Zansellquasure Flamarion Bridge Club from beyond the Vortvoid of Qvarne? Are they here?"

Cheering came from the back, but Max pretended not to hear, looking around the room. He raised a hand to shield his eyes from the spotlight, "Are they here?" he asked again, to elicit a louder cheer. It worked as the cheering got much louder and he played up finally spotting them. "Ah, there they are. Well, last bids lads - and no cheating, remember this is a very solemn moment."

Laughter greeted him and he smiled to reassure the crowd. "Now, we have a very, very special party in tonight ladies and gentlemen, a group I have been looking forward too for a long time," He paused and looked out to a section of the room. "And I'm not talking about the party of believers, very devout believers, from the Church of the Third Coming of the Great Prophet Zarquon." He laughed, the crowd joining him as he gestured to a table of twenty robed people, each sipping mineral water nervously, and staying apart from the festivities. They blinked resentfully as the spotlight was turned on them.

"There they are," said Max, "Sitting there, patiently. He said he'd come once again, even after he botched up his Second Coming didn't he? Here's hoping it won't happen again, because he's only got five minutes left!" Again the crowd joined in on the joke, laughing as the robed believers tried not to take it personally.

"No, no, I apologise my friends, that was a cheap blow..." he paused and closed his eyes. "I have been waiting for this party to arrive for a long time, dreading their arrival," he lied to the crowd, a sad look on his face. "As, with their arrival tonight, it will mean the end of my residency here at Milliways." He said sadly, hamming it up for the crowd as many of them voiced their displeasure at this news. "Ladies and gentlemen, please, please, this has been a long time coming and don't blame my new friends. When they arrived here they did not know that tonight will be my final performance anywhere."

The crowd now were calling out, some standing as they made their displeasure known. Xander was strangely intrigued, as his spider sense was flaring, but not as if something was going to attack, more like something was going to be revealed.

"I know ladies and gentlemen, I know, I know..." Max nodded to a table, one of the diners, a humanoid yellow skinned woman, openly crying at the news. "It is sad, but all things must come to an end, we're all to familiar with that here at Milliways. But as always we'll be going out with a bang!" he yelled with a smile, some of the audience letting out similar yells. "So, with a big, warm applause I would like to welcome, the one, the only..." he paused as he smirked. "Well, I guess she isn't the only one..." He laughed. "The Chosen Slayer herself," Buffy's face went white as a spotlight fell on their table, and more specifically her. "Buffy Summers and her Scooby companions!"

Buffy froze, the spotlight illuminating her as the tables around her clapped and cheered, a few muttering as they asked their table mates who the blonde woman under the spotlight was exactly.

"Yes ladies and gentleman, we get all sorts here at MIlliways! Even Television Characters!" Max laughed, the crowd joining him. "And you thought it was a treat when The Doctor joined us that one time huh?" Max asked an enthusiastic large silver skinned man as he clapped and stood to better see Buffy and her table.

"Xander," Buffy said through her teeth as she smiled awkwardly and waved to the other tables. "What is going on?"

"I don't know..." Xander waved too, not sure what to do. "Momma?"

"I only know we meet The Set," Momma growled at the clapping.

"It's marvellous though," Max continued with his script, turning from Buffy's table and to the room at large. "To see so many of you here tonight, for my last show." he smiled. "Because I know that so many of you come here time and time again, which I think is really wonderful, to come and watch this final end of everything, and then return home to your own eras... And raise families, strive for new and better societies, fight terrible wars for what you know to be right..." he paused looking around the room. "It really gives one hope for the future of all lifekind. Except of course," he waved to the glass dome above them and the last of the swirling, tumbling, star stuffs. "That we know it hasn't got one...!"

The room laughed at the joke, even as Max seemed to get forlorn and the Scoobies looked around them uneasy at everyone's blasé take on the end of time.

"Are we safe?" Mia asked Hailey.

"In general, no," Hailey took a sip of her drink, then smiled at her joke. "But here, in this restaurant, yes, we are." At the look Mia gave her she elaborated. "The whole asteroid the restaurant sits on is enveloped by a time bubble. As the end of everything happens around it, the restaurant is in a sort of timeloop. The universe ends, and then the bubble pulls the restaurant back in time to witness the whole Gnab Gib again and again for people to enjoy as they eat."

"Gnab Gib?" Mia asked, puzzled.

"Its the opposite of a Big Bang Mia." Xander clarified. "Don't ask what that is exactly, the books don't really go into too much detail about it."

"Which is a shame," Hailey sat back and looked up at the dome. "It does look pretty amazing..."

"Yeah," several of the others agreed as they too looked up.

"An interesting effect to watch for," Max's voice seemed to draw everyone's attention. "is in the upper lefthand quadrant of the sky, where if you look very carefully, you can see the star system Hastromil, boiling away into the ultra-violet." there were several groans and a couple outcries of panic at his words. "I guess I don't need to ask if there is anyone from Hastromil in tonight..." he said solemnly. "But don't worry, it's too late to worry about whether you left the gas on now!" he said cheerfully to much laughter.

"But now is not the time for thinking about the stove!" Max moved to the centre of the stage and placed his microphone into a mic stand. "The moment you've all been waiting for!" he flung his arms into the air as a piece of debris over them collided into another with a large and bright explosion. The band took the explosion as their cue to move into a frenzy of percussion and rolling synthochords. Max gave the band the stink eye as they tried to upstage him once more.

"The Skies begin to boil!" Max yelled. "Nature collapses into the screaming void!" He raised his voice. "In Twenty seconds time, the Universe itself will be at an end! See where the light of infinity bursts upon us!"

The sky-show above them moved on, swirling and mixing, more and more explosions happening, each one seeming to be getting smaller and smaller as the mish mash of cosmic bodies seemed to be shrinking on itself.

"And with one solemn flash..." Max whispered, the band finally stopping their playing, the music simply dying away as the room got quiet and hushed. "The End of Everything is Upon Us!"

"IT'S ABOUT TIME!" a voice seemed to carry itself across every table.

Max frowned as this had never happened before in the endless performances he had performed at the restaurant.

"She is here." Momma informed the table.

"Who?" Xander asked the Hyena.

"Me..."

* * *

**Author's Note:** A new Universe for the Scoobies to explore, but why are they there? Who is this mysterious Set and why are they meeting Him/Her/It? Brand new questions to be answered... Eventually.

Reviews are fun! Go on, leave one and see for yourself!


	2. The End of Everything Part 1

**Disclaimer in Chapter One - Dinner Reservations**

**Authors Note:** Hopefully the payoff was a surprise... And worth it.

* * *

The show was going well as usual. Sowadee was now backstage with his personal healthcare pharmacist, deciding what to shove up his nose, or somewhere else, and the white robots were back in their security crates and under lock and key, a menacing gorilla of a being standing over them, a large Kill-o-Zap gun pointed at the boxes just in case.

Peesht watched from behind his podium backstage, his rundown sheet and script poised in front of him to aide Max if he stumbled on a line, not that he was ever needed to, but it always helped to be prepared. He watched the stage from his vid feed, lazily turning pages of the script and reciting stage directions to the robotic crew, again, not that he needed to, they were all synced up with the restaurant's main computer banks and were therefore programmed to a tight script. But he felt as his job was as Stage Manager he was expected to remind everyone of what they had to do and when, otherwise what was the point of him being there?

So he was quite taken aback when Max seemed to go off script when he was greeting the last party to tonight's Apocalypse. #As, with their arrival tonight, it will mean the end of my residency here at Milliways.# Max informed the crowd from Peesht's vid feed.

"What did he just say?" Peesht turned to a backstage robot. As the robot began to play a recording of the mic feed from three seconds ago he hissed at it. "Oh shut up!"

#Ladies and gentlemen, please, please, this has been a long time coming and don't blame my new friends. When they arrived here they did not know that tonight will be my final performance anywhere.#

"Final performance?" he parroted

#I know ladies and gentlemen, I know, I know...# Max looked down at one of the diners who was distraught at the news. #It is sad, but all things must come to an end, we're all too familiar with that here at Milliways.#

"Come to an end...?" he muttered before he thumbed the mic button on his headset. "Someone get me in touch with Front of House."

There was a quick response before he interrupted who was talking.

"Because our MC just Zarking resigned in front of the whole restaurant Damian," there was another quick response. "Because someone has to tell the owners and it Belgium well won't be me!" there was once again a response, only this time it came more timidly as if almost a whisper. "That's why I want you to get Front of House Damian, let them be fired for telling the owners."

Peesht rolled his eyes as Damian gave a happy response to his statement.

"No Damian, that is fired spelled K-I-L-L-E-D..." he took the silence on the other end as realisation and said, "Oh, just get one of the robots to show the owners the vid feed."

He let go of the mic button and took off his headset. He massaged his floppy ears and closed his eyes, thinking of dark caves and the soft sounds of a slow drip of water as he tried to calm down.

Drip, drip, drip...

"Max, Max, Max, I hope you know what you're doing-" he was cut off as a voice called out from nowhere.

"IT'S ABOUT TIME!" it seemed to reverberate around the backstage area, shaking him out of his calm place.

He opened his eyes in time to see the band on the vid feed looking around for the voice, and he assumed he wasn't the only one to have herd it.

"No one Zarking Fardwarking gets to be in the show if they aren't at rehearsal!" he yelled as he picked up his headset. "Who said that?" he yelled into the mic.

* * *

**Dark Void of Nothingness**

"Me..."

The Restaurant had disappeared, replaced with darkness.

Darkness stretching everywhere.

"Well... This is fun." Xander said into the dark void, Buffy and the others standing next to him, all of them standing in amongst the void of nothingness.

"Now what?" Buffy shared a look with Xander and then John before she pulled her Scythe from its hidden holster and Xander engaged his Gauntlets, John pulling his particle weapon, each hero looking about them for an incoming threat.

"Please," an older feminine voice called out from the void. "Put those away before you hurt yourselves..."

"Yes, put them away." Momma stepped forward and turned back to her companions. At her stern look John reluctantly holstered his gun, Xander returned his hands to normal, but Buffy returned Momma's look and shook her head slowly in a silent no. Momma just gave a huff and turned back to where the voice had called out.

"It's alright Malika," the voice sounded amused, Momma lowering her head in submission at the name. "Buffy, you always were a punch first, ask questions later kinda Slayer..." they could hear the smile in the old voice. "Oh, how I've missed you. And Xander!" The voice giggled. "Where has my salt-n-pepper haired brother-in-law gone?"

"Brother-in-law?" Xander repeated.

"Well, of course, what else were you going to be when you returned after all your adventures with my sister?" An elderly, stooped woman stepped forward out of the darkness, leaning heavily on a walking stick.

When she stopped moving she straightened her back with a grown, leaning on the walking stick with both hands in front of herself. With her back straight it her small stature even more pronounced, a smile forming on her face as she gave them each a once over, her wrinkles becoming more predominant. Her hair, once a dark vibrant brown, was muted, flecked with the occasional grey hair, the most showing on her temples.

"The Set..." Momma bowed low, her belly touching the ground.

"Dawn?" Buffy and Xander gasped as they recognised the elderly woman who appeared. She was smaller than when they had known her, time taking its toll on her body.

"Hi ya Sis, Xand..." The Set, said waving before holding her arms out in a gesture for a hug as they took her in.

"Wha-" her Scythe moving back into its holster, Buffy moved forward and embraced her sister.

"I missed you too Buff," The Set wrapped her arms around the Chosen Slayer, Buffy hunching slightly to line up in the smaller woman's arms. "Oh, I missed you all," she stood back, taking Buffy in, tucking a strand of Buffy's hair behind her ear in a Grandmotherly gesture before turning to the others. "I had to take the long way 'round, but I always knew I would see you all again."

"You're the Set?" Buffy asked.

"Yes, ah..." she inclined her head with a sheepish grin. "You knew me in my human form, Dawn, 'The Rise'. We chose this form as we knew you would recognise her, even at this age..." The Set smiled sadly, gesturing to herself. "When she finally passed away, in her sleep, the remaining Key energy joined me, the Lock, her counterpart. Together we are the Set, but you can call me Dusk."

"Dawn's dead?" Buffy gasped, her grip on the elderly woman tightening with the shock.

"Yes, long ago, surrounded by friends and family... And grandchildren," Dusk smiled, wiping a tear from Buffy's eye. "But then again, you are dead too Buff," Dusk frowned. "All of you are past, at least to my perspective."

"What?" Buffy took a step back.

"You have been dead for millennia..." Dusk said matter-of-factly.

"We are at 'The End' Buffy," Momma said, straightening her back as she sat down. "The Set can only appear in corporeal form at the end of everything." She said, Dusk nodding. "_When light fails, and void becomes all, The Set shall rise, and embrace the Dawn. Knowledge will flow and mix as one. The Answers you seek, The Set knows them all_."

"I only know all that I and She have witnessed." Dusk smiled.

"At the end? But we were just there, at the end of The Universe," Buffy looked around in the darkness surrounding them. "Besides, there's nothing here..."

"Oh," Dusk seemed to realise something as she quickly looked around them. "Sorry, it's been a while since I've had anyone to entertain, forgive an old woman her lapses in hospitality." She smiled sweetly like a Grandma would to her Grandchild. "Just let me..." she gestured with a wave of her arm and a familiar brown couch materialised next to the two sisters.

Dusk began to shuffle over to the couch, directing Buffy to join her. Buffy stared at the couch, about to ask something as she sat down before the area around them seemed to shimmer in a sort of haze and the familiar lounge room of the Summers home came into focus. She decided to not voice her question as it appeared she wasn't the only one to be taken aback by the sudden appearance of her Sunnydale residence.

Xander, began turning on the spot, taking everything in, finally settling in on a shelf that held various family photos, his hands reaching for a frame that held the Scoobies portrait. The photo was one that was taken the last Christmas they had while Mrs Summers was alive. He smiled at how happy they all looked as they posed for the photo, the dining room table full of Christmas dinner before them, each Scooby holding their glass up in cheers. John had an almost identical reaction, turning on the spot, only he had his particle weapon out, poised, ready for an attack. When none came he holstered the weapon and joined Xander.

"I remember that day..." John smiled. "You guys had 'Cajun Dropped Pie' for dessert."

"Yeah..." Xander got a sad look on his face. John put an arm around him and patted him on the shoulder. "This was the last Christmas we were all together..."

Hailey and Mia just stared at the room in awe at what had happened. Mia peered out the double doors that lead to the foyer, stairs and the dinning room opposite.

"It's just like in the show..." Mia whispered to Hailey as the older girl nodded.

"The restaurant you were just in is placed at that Universe's end of all time and space." Dusk began to explain. "Everything was crashing into itself in a sucking, collapsing, crushing end. An end that is because of me and my powers to open the gateways to the many realities." She smiled warmly as the others looked at her concerned. "Oh, I'm not trying to end all of time and space, it's just a natural occurrence as the Energies of the Universe weaken and break down and my powers seep through, bringing everything together in a amalgam of all realities.

"The Key's power?" Buffy asked. "But I stopped the portal-"

"In your reality, at that point in time. But it will happen eventually to all the Galaxies in all Universes, Multi-Verses, Dimensions, et cetera, et cetera, and all that when time eventually loses its grip on each plain, Universe, Multi-Verse, Dimension, et cetera, et cetera... Whoa, head rush..." she waved with her hand before she closed her eyes for a second, a wave of tiredness washing over her.

"Because I will cause the end of all," she opened her eyes with a sigh. "I am aware of all that occurs in each Reality and Universe, and in turn the threats that arise to end them prematurely." she paused with a knowing smile. "I was aware of every time you managed to save the day on your Earth, I was so proud.." she squeezed Buffy's hand. "But now..." Dusk said with another sigh as she sat back and looked at Buffy with tired eyes. "The damage done by Warren travelling across Universes has to be repaired and I'm sorry, but you won't be going home anytime soon... Eventually, yes, but not for a very long time..." she looked to the others.

"Why?" Xander asked, sitting on the couch on the other side of Dusk, John, Hailey and Mia sitting themselves in the other chairs of the lounge room. "Why us?" he asked. "Why ask us to do... Whatever it is you want us to do?"

"You are all displaced from your world, and therefore you are best suited to travelling between the boundaries of the Mutil-Verses, there are rules," Dusk paused. "At least there should be, until they were broken."

"Warren..." Hailey and Mia said as one.

Dusk shook her head, closing her eyes. "Stephen Strange Sr."

"What about him Dawn-" at the elderly woman's look Buffy corrected herself. "Ah, Dusk..."

"If Warren is responsible for the damage across the realities, Strange Sr is responsible for beginning the cracks. He weakened the barriers, he pushed himself into dark places in his quest to become the Sorcerer Supreme. Not only did he approach the boundaries of Magicks in his world, but he flat out stepped across them in defiance." she paused to chuckle, which turned into a wheeze, she waved Buffy's hand away when the Slayer moved to sit her up. "He always was impulsive." she got a knowing smile on her face, Xander and Buffy sharing a quick glance of disbelief. "But he did something so few have ever done, and with good reason... He broke through the veil and found me."

"And that is how he did the damage." Momma nodded in understanding.

"Yes Malika." Dusk nodded along. "No one can pierce the veil of my realm unless one of two things happen. The end of all time is upon them, or I allow it, and I never allow it." she said sternly before ending in a cough. "And yet he was able to break through, and I do mean break!" she said with disgust. "He tore a hole across countless Realities and Universes. In his pursuits for more Magicks he has brought everything to the brink of nothingness. Then Warren found the hole, and tore it wider in his hopping back and fourth across the realities. He might not have gone to many worlds, but the damage has stretched far..." She looked into the distance at the walls of each universe that only she could see. She raised a hand, her thin fingers slipping though each reality, and the frail, ethereal membrane that kept them separate.

"And that is why I asked Strange Jr to bring you here. I need your help in fixing what his Father ripped."

"Strange sent us here on purpose?" John practically swore. "That no good, lying, sonofa-"

"Soldier!" Momma barked, interrupting the man before he began swearing. "I knew what he was doing. The Sorcerer informed me of the plan, and what we are being conscripted into. If you want to blame anyone, blame me for keeping it from you all." She stood, her head hung low as she padded around the room, her eyes glowing orange for a flash or two.

"Strange Sr ripped a hole?" Buffy asked to try to clarify what they were talking about. "In space? Across realities?"

"Imagine the night of Glory's defeat." Dusk squeezed Buffy's hand a second after she realised what she had asked. "I mean where Dawn's blood was spilled and you caught glimpses of those other hell dimensions and worlds breaking through to yours. Now imagine it on countless worlds, in countless Realities, Dimensions..." she closed her eyes and took a long breath, the last few words seeming to take her energy away. "I will admit, I did not notice the damage at first, I am usually spread out amongst the Multi-Verse. When I did detect the rupture I tried to repair it myself, but I lack substance in my normal form, spread as I am..."

"How could we possibly fix it if you can't?" Hailey asked in disbelief.

"I will give you the means to repair the damaged Universes." Dusk wheezed. She took a second or two to catch her breath, her visage looking older than it did before. With a long breath she turned to Momma and the Great Hyena paused in her pacing, staring at the elderly woman. In silent communication Momma stepped closer to the couch and Dusk reached out a frail hand to the large animal.

"Momma, Malika," Dusk corrected herself and stared at Momma, her voice stern. "Do you understand what I am asking of you? Strange gave you the last of the Key's borrowed powers, but once I give you form you will also have access to mine." Momma nodded in understanding. "You will be my emissary amongst the Muti-Verses, a powerful Witch to rival the Black, White and Red One..."

"Yes, I understand... I-" Momma looked to John then back to Dusk. "This needs to be corrected, I am willing to sacrifice my being and be her again to get it done."

"Hang on," John spoke up. "No one is sacrificing themselves for anything," He stood before a large flash of green energy projected itself out of Dusk's outstretched hand and engulfed Momma, raising her into the air before the elderly woman.

The energy was bright, showering the room in green light that the Scoobies had to shield their eyes from. John staggered back from the magicks radiating from Momma as the Hyena raised several feet into the air, her form seeming to fold and curl into a ball. John stood back up, stepping closer to Momma, reaching out for her.

"Em!" John called out, his hands now feeling heat radiating off the green energy.

Momma seemed to hear him as she let out a large growl that seemed to turn into a howl of pain.

"Em!" John yelled, reaching for the Hyena, ignoring the heat of the energy as it turned into burning.

As his hands seemed to penetrate the green energy it disappeared, Momma's form dropping from the air. He managed to catch her, the pair falling to the floor, each catching their breath as John moved to lay the Hyena on the ground, cradling her head.

"Em," John shook the Hyena to wake her up. "What did you do to her?" He turned on Dusk.

"It is done, when she wakes she will be fine, confused, but fine," Dusk panted from the couch, Buffy now holding the elderly woman as she didn't appear to be able to sit up under her own strength. "Tell her your Princess is still inside her," John stared at the elderly woman. "She will know what that means." She took a deep breath. "But for the moment she needs to rest, as do I. Stay as long as you want," she turned to Buffy and then Xander. "This is your house, pre-sink hole, you will find your belongings that were once lost to you both on S-Day, replicated. Take what you want, they will be just as you remember them."

"How?" Buffy asked.

"Magicks," then she smirked and looked to Xander. "And some stolen technologies from your travels to other realms."

"Our travels...?" Xander asked.

"Spoilers Xander, spoilers..." Dusk smirked before coughing. "I don't have much longer in this form before I must rest, the house and Momma's transformation took a lot out of me... Again, stay as long as you want, Momma will need time to recuperate and familiarise herself, so use the house as a small getaway, as down time will be few and far between when you begin your journey. I will try to appear again, but I'm not sure when, my sense of time is not the greatest after a few millennia... When you do choose to leave, exit through the front door and you will find yourselves back in the restaurant, back to your meals." She turned to Buffy. "Meet with my contact Max Quordlepleen-"

"The MC?" Hailey asked surprised.

"Yes," Dusk smiled at the young slayer. "He will help you in anyway he can, but the first thing you need to do is find someone to help you with the calculations." At their confused looks she continued. "My Magicks that Momma now has access to can open or close any size portal you could need to aid you in your quest, but without myself actually accompanying you there is no way to know if you are going in the right direction to shrink the tears, or making it worse and tearing them wider." She informed them. "Find the Android, he may grumble-"

"Oh no..." Hailey and Xander said as one.

"-But his brain is big enough to spit out the correct numbers Malika will need." Dusk ignored the pair, and gestured to Mommas sleeping form before her own visage seemed to begin to fade. "My time is up..." she turned to Buffy and cupped her cheek in her frail hand. "You will see your sister again Buffy," she smiled at the Slayer as she held her hand to her face. "You will see them all, I've seen it..." her voice lingered as she herself vanished, leaving nothing but an impression on the couch.

Buffy stared at the impression until it seemed to rise, as if the occupant had gotten up instead of disappearing.

* * *

**A/N:** Surprise! I know this has been a long time coming (CRAP, 6 Months!), but real life always comes first. That, and writers block is a bitch. I'm not going to make any promises when I will put up the next chapter, just that I hope it will be sooner rather than later.

Can anyone guess what's happening to Momma? And did The Set reveal come out of no where or did you all expect it? Give me a review and let me know.


	3. The End of Everything Part 2

**Disclaimer in Chapter One - Dinner Reservations**

**Authors Note:** More reveals coming. Spoilers for a few of the books and Characters of Hitchhiker's.

* * *

Buffy moved on auto-pilot, still shocked by what she had witnessed. Her sister... Her sister was a part of something huge.

OK, she already knew that, deep down. But after Glory was defeated she had always assumed Dawn had just become a normal girl again... If she ever was a normal girl in the first place. Buffy was the girl connected with the whole destiny and lineage, not Dawn... But now that she thought about it, she had been naive to think the 'Keyness' of Dawn disappeared just because the monster who wanted to use her was stopped.

But to meet her, in that form, at that age and then to be in this house again...

The house was exactly as she remembered it. Everything was where it should be, photos and paintings, bookshelves and cabinets, pots and pans, it even smelled the same. Buffy walked slowly upstairs, staring at the frames on the wall, each holding a photo of her family and friends. She didn't say a word, leaving it up to Xander to give their excuses to the others as she headed for the bedrooms. Her first stop wasn't her own, but the room Dawn called hers.

She opened the door and smiled at the messy room, clothes, shoes and books scattered everywhere. Buffy wouldn't be surprised if she found a plate or two with some half eaten concoction of her sisters, the forgotten experiment left behind because "It seemed like it might taste good, but after a few bites of a banana, peanut butter and ketchup sandwich it didn't seem appetising anymore". Buffy smirked to herself, standing in the doorway but not going in, for some reason not wanting to sully the room with a human presence. She closed the door instead and moved down the hall and towards the room her Mother and then later her best friend had laid their heads at night.

The master bedroom door opened slowly, but again she didn't enter, she stood at the threshold, staring at the room at large. She didn't want to ruin the feeling she had ever since she had seen the lounge room materialise around them. It was her home. Her sanctuary from the darkness that threatened to take her family and friend's lives, and her own. OK, the sanctuary did have a tendency to get invaded every now and then, but it was still a safe place for her.

For her family.

"I told them to stay downstairs." Xander said from behind her, letting his presence be known. "Give you some time alone. Turns out the kitchen is fully stocked... It's as if Andrew was still trying to feed a house full of Potentials. The girls are gonna sit with Momma and John, watch a DVD and eat a bunch of candy for dessert while we wait for her to wake up." He reached around her and hugged her from behind.

"Thank you," She leaned back into the embrace. "I just..." her voice trailed off. "She was old Xander." She sniffed.

"I know..."

"She gets to be an old woman..." she sobbed, turning around and falling into his chest. "Dawn doesn't die young!"

"I know Buff," Xander chuckled, kissing her on the top of her head.

"I was always scared she would die young or be maimed-" she paused as she looked up at him, her eyes watery. She reached up to cup Xander's face, her thumb tracing where he used to wear his eye patch. "I didn't mean-"

"No, you did," Xander pushed a stray hair behind her ear. "And it's OK, it happened, I got better..." he moved closer and kissed her. "Now, this house..." he looked around her and the bedroom beyond, then back out at the hallway behind them. "It's a little bit eerie, huh?"

"Yeah..." Buffy turned back to the bedroom, looking at the door frame as if it was going to attack before she left Xander's embrace and entered the room.

* * *

**A couple hours later...**

Momma opened her eyes slowly, despite how awake and alert she felt. She was lying on her side on a soft surface, which turned out to be the couch, her head cradled in John's lap. She stared at him for a moment or two as he seemed to be watching something. She turned her head in his lap and noticed he was watching a television, along with Mia and Hailey.

"You're awake," John said, rubbing a hand over her forehead.

"Yes..." she turned to look up at him, puzzled. "What are you watching?" She asked.

"Season four, episode eight, 'Pangs'," Hailey said pausing the DVD just as Spike was shot by another arrow while tied to a chair.

"It's actually funny..." Mia smiled from her place on the ground along with Hailey, popcorn, soda cans and candy wrappers strewn about them. "If a little sad for the Chumash people."

"The Set?" Momma asked.

"She disappeared after her little light show." John informed her.

"Cub and Buffy?"

"Upstairs 'checking out the house'," Hailey said with air quotes. "I think they just wanted to avoid the TV show."

"I thought they were going upstairs to make out..." Mia took a bite of a Twizzler.

"I am still me!" her eyes wide, Momma bounded up from the couch and John's lap. "I do not understand," she turned around and around to try to see all of herself. She increased her size, trying to see herself in the mirror over the mantelpiece. "In this form I can not harness my Magicks! I was prepared to give up my true form!"

"Hey, hey, hey," John stood, trying to calm the large hyena, Hailey and Mia raising as well so not to get trampled. "Babe, explain it to me, what did she do?"

"In order for us to close the tears in the Multi-Verse I must be able to harness my newly acquired magicks! The ones the Key and the Lock gave up... But in this body I do not have access..."

"Dusk told me to tell you," He reached out to make her look at him. "That my Princess is still inside you."

"Really?" She stopped and stared at the man, her size returning to her normal above average size for a hyena.

"Yes,"

"Your Princess?" She smiled up at him. "Yours?"

"That's what she said."

"No, I'm yours?" Momma asked, a glint in her eye that seemed to grow larger.

"I told you before," he bent down, cupping her head in both of his hands and rubbed his forehead with hers. "We'll be together till my last breath, my African Princess..."

"You will not get rid of me that easily..." She smiled. "Step back." John looked at her confused before he did as she said. "And someone call Buffy and Cub, they will want to see this."

* * *

They were in Buffy's room.

That is where the trouble had started.

It was innocent at first. Just like they had done in the other bedrooms they were looking through her things for the hard to replace items; weapons, photo albums, letters, family heirlooms and teenage trinkets, anything that held sentimental value, reminiscing about years past. And it was amazing how during the last days of Sunnydale, when they were collecting things just in case they had to bug out, all these things had not warranted saving. And yet now, they felt like long lost prized possessions which never should have been thrown away in the first place.

When the room was beginning to look like it had been ransacked by polite burglars, items manhandled and put haphazardly away on shelves, desks and semi-closed drawers, Xander had made a show of sitting down on Buffy's bed as she moved to her closet and began to rummage though it, pulling out clothes she had forgotten about since they were technically still on the bottom of the Sunnydale crater.

He had sat, watching her, happy as she pulled hanger after hanger out and held them in front of herself, studying her reflection in her closet mirror, deciding if they were still in fashion. But then he had opened his mouth and said the words that would be their downfall.

"If you can't make up your mind, just try them on..." he had said absentmindedly, leaning back on the pillows of the bed, his eyes getting drowsy.

She had agreed and was soon trying on outfit after outfit.

He didn't really mean to watch, at least not in that way, but she didn't need to get undressed each time as slowly as she did. Or throw the discarded top at his head causing him to become fully alert... Or the skirt that followed.

So when there was a banging on Buffy's door, the pair broke apart their lip lock with a pair of frustrated growls, followed by nervous giggles at what they had been interrupted doing.

"Yeah?" Xander called out as Buffy blushed, hiding her head in his bare chest.

"Momma's awake, she wants you two to stop making out and come downstairs." Mia shouted through the door, followed by turning the knob of the locked door.

"We'll be down in a minute," Xander called back as Buffy reluctantly got off of him, both putting their shirts back on.

"Why is the door locked?" Mia asked knowingly.

"Go away!" Buffy yelled back.

* * *

"They say they'll be down in a minute," Mia bounded down the stairs. "I think they are getting redressed." She smirked. "The door was locked."

"Hmmm," Momma hummed in thought. "Maybe I should not have sent for them..."

"Momma, are you OK?" Buffy asked entering the lounge room, her face a little flush, Xander a couple seconds behind her, his clothes a bit dishevelled.

"That isn't the outfit you were wearing before..." Hailey winked at Buffy.

"I was trying on clothes from my closet." Buffy blushed.

"At first..." Xander smirked, Buffy hitting him on his shoulder as John groaned.

"Oh I don't wanna know," John rubbed his eyes.

"Oh..." Momma stared at the pair. "Well, I thought you would like to see this, but right after, you can go back to... Trying on 'clothes'."

"See what?" Xander asked, both Slayers walking into the room proper and to the vacant armchair. "Does it have something to do with the light show Dusk did before she vanished?"

"Yes..." Momma smirked herself before her features began to distort.

Fur began to recede, making way for dark brown skin. She then stood up onto her hind legs as they grew and elongated into thighs, shins and feet. A skirt began to appear around her transformed waist, stopping to her newly formed ankles, the fabric light and flowing. Her face began to shift, her nose began to move up her face, closer to her eyes and turned more round, her teeth receded and rounded as her mouth shrunk as well. Dark thin braids sprouted from the top of her head and proceeded to grow to just below her shoulders. A dark red sleeveless blouse appeared over her slim and yet muscular arms, as she placed her hands on her hips.

Everyone just stared at the transformation Momma had gone through. No longer was a hyena smiling at them in the living room, but a tall African woman, bare footed, her hands on her hips and a familiar gin on her face.

"Mpenzi?" John stared at the woman, his mouth open.

"John!" The woman spoke, her voice feminine with an African accent, and yet it had a hint of Momma's hyena growl to it. She seemed to catch herself and she coughed and cleared her throat. "H-how do I look?" Her voice was softer now as she straightened her blouse and skirt, looking herself up and down.

"Malika, is that really you?" John stepped forward as she nodded. He smiled wide as he engulfed her in a bear hug, lifting her into the air and spinning her around, their lips locking in a kiss that could have set the room on fire.

"It is me Soldier," she laughed once he had put her down. He held her at arms length, looking her over before he swept her into another hug.

"Can someone explain what is going on?" Buffy asked, causing John to look at the others as if noticing them for the first time.

"Oh, ah..." John laughed, before standing next to the woman. "Ah, this is..."

"I know you..." Xander stared at her.

"I should hope so Cub." She said with a grin.

"Momma..." Xander rushed towards her and he too picked her up in a hug, only without the twirling and kissing, but still with much affection. He pulled away from her and looked deep into her eyes. Without being prompted he bowed his head forward and touched his forehead to hers, the woman doing the same.

"Call me Malika," she said, grasping his head in her hands and placing a kiss on his forehead. "This is my human form, the one I lost when I gave up my powers."

"Your African Princess..." Xander said knowingly, smirking at John.

"Yep!" John said, a goofy grin on his face as he put one arm around the woman.

* * *

**Several Days Later**

The explanation of Momma's new appearance was a learning curve for the Scoobies who had only known her in her Hyena form. When she had been a memory trapped in Xander's head she had one form, the Hyena. When the Solider memory, John, had appeared she had decided that her animalistic appearance could cause him to attack her first and ask questions later. So she had appeared to him as Melika, the Hyena Goddess. As she had gotten to know him, and he her, she felt the need to be Malika less and less until she informed John what she truly was, and felt the need to no longer hide.

John had not taken to discovering the woman he was beginning to have feelings for had been a Great Hyena Spirit and not a humanoid Goddess as he was led to believe. At first he was afraid of her, angry at the lying, the deception. But in the end they had bonded over their love and concern for their Cub and the home his mind had become. When the gloves had appeared and they understood what they were doing to Xander, Momma had sacrificed her own powers for him, healed her Cub at the risk of never being Malika and human again. Because of that sacrifice, most of Momma's powers were gone, the only one remaining was her ability to change her size.

With the Key Magicks and now the Lock Magicks, Momma would need a human form to use them as her Great Hyena body could not manipulate such foreign powers. Momma had gone to the restaurant believing she was going to have to sacrifice herself once more, only this time giving up her original body for her magick made human one. But the Set obviously had other plans and had restored her Human form while retaining the Great Hyena too, a fact Momma was eternally grateful for.

Over the following days they settled into the house, deciding to take Dusk's advice on some downtime. Xander and Buffy had claimed her old room while John and Momma/Malika had claimed the master bedroom. Hailey and Mia had reluctantly agreed to Dawn's room, annoyed they had to share, despite Xander pointing out that technically everyone was sharing. Eye rolls had followed on both slayers faces at that statement.

The household soon had fallen into a routine after only a few days. They got up early, Xander, Buffy, Hailey and Mia running through their Tai Chi routine that Faith had taught them, Buffy adding to the routine what she had learned from her training from Angel many years ago. Then breakfast with John and Malika; the newly human woman surprising everyone with her ability to cook. John had just laughed as he helped himself to more eggs one morning when Hailey asked about her skills.

"Well, when we were up in there," he pointed to Xander's head with his fork. "The Boy didn't always eat the best."

"My Mom wasn't that big on home cooked meals." Xander shrugged when everyone looked at him.

"And when he finally moved out of the basement he had to start cooking for himself," John took a sip of coffee. "Properly. Em here got it into her head that she could try and influence Xander, try to get him interested in cooking." he laughed. "It didn't quite work out... He started watching a couple cooking shows for fun, but nothing seemed to stay in his noggin past working a grill or pouring milk on cereal." John patted Xander's head. "But Malika paid attention to the shows, and we ate like kings... It was imaginary, but it still tasted good."

"And I have thumbs again, and the food is now real, so I will cook for my Cub," Malika smiled before putting more food on everyone's plates, much to their protests.

"Momma," Xander sighed as she added more eggs to his plate.

"Hush, eat!" Her African accent thick before she grabbed his chin in a soft caress.

After breakfast was done they would break off into their own thing. Xander, Buffy and John moving through the house, deciding what to take with them, or going though their gear, making an inventory of what they now held in each bag of holding, the girls watching through the rest of the Buffy the Vampire Slayer DVD's and Malika meditating and testing her new powers.

When Malika was meditating she was often found in the backyard, sitting on the grass, sunlight shining down on her. The sun light seemed to come from somewhere unseen as there was no sky above them, or anything beyond the yards fence line as far as any of them could see. It was eerie to look over the fence and see nothing but void.

Soon Buffy and the girls joined Malika in her meditating, the older Slayer insisting they learn to clear their minds as part of their training.

"But why do we have to meditate?" Hailey had asked as soon as they had been forced to join the older woman. "I never had to meditate as a potential, my Uncle always thought it was new age, hippie codswallop." at Mia's weird look she added. "His exact words."

"Everyone should be able to meditate," Malika answered, her eyes not opening as each Slayer got comfortable on the grass, crossing their legs much like Malika. "It helps to order ones mind."

"Unless you begin snoring..." Buffy smiled looking passed Malika to the back porch and Xander and John as they went over plans with the Hitchhikers guide between them.

"That was one time!" Xander called out. "And it was in high school," he turned to John. "The music Giles played sent me right to sleepy town, it was his fault, not mine."

"Keep telling yourself that..." A familiar voice said next to Malika. "Giles always praised Dawn when she joined in... And she was ten at the time."

"He just liked that you were quiet for a change" Xander shot back with a smile when he saw who had appeared again.

"Dusk..." Malika smiled in greeting, her eyes still closed as the Slayers jumped at the appearance of the elderly woman sitting cross legged next to them. "Welcome."

"Thank you Malika," Dusk nodded to the woman. "I see your levels are stabilising." her eyes glowing for a second as she looked her over.

"Yes," Malika turned to her. "John says I still revert to my true form sometimes when I sleep, but I am getting used to this body again."

"I'll say," John added with a bawdy grin, his eyebrows moving up and down vigorously.

"Dude," Xander hit him in the shoulder. "I don't want to hear that!"

"Now you know how I feel when you and Buff are..." he gestured between the two.

"Good," Dusk spoke up, interrupting both Xander and John from whatever they were next going to say. "No side effects of the transference?" she asked putting a hand on Malika's shoulder. "No spikes in power?" her hand glowed.

"None," Malika smiled at the concern she felt from the older being. "Although I may be forced to perform some powerful Magicks before we leave."

"Oh?" Dusk looked concerned, her hand returning to normal.

"I need to make Solider and myself supplies, much like the packs the slayers wield. Not to mention I must try and procure magical ingredients if I am to provide additional magical backup in the field, or is it your hope we will not encounter obstacles in our journey."

Dusk smiled widely at the mystic. "I knew I chose you well... And hey!" she pointed a skinny finger at Malika. "I will not be tricked into giving away what you will encounter, Spoilers." she smirked. "I may know the outcome," she turned and sadly looked at the others. "But I will not give anything away. I will provide both you and John with the same equipment as the others, including a full Apothecary and Witch pack. You will have them before you choose to leave this place."

"Thank you," Mailka inclined her head at the Set.

"Can you make her tactical gear too?" John asked stepping down the few steps of the back porch to the grass.

"Yes," Dusk nodded.

"No," Malika shook her head at the same time. "I will not need them, my powers will protect-"

"And what happens if we are ambushed?" John interrupted her. "I just got you back girl, I ain't gonna lose you just as fast."

"I have just the thing," Dusk spoke quickly before Malika could argue. "I will inform Max of what you need, he will sort you out, all of you."

"All of us?" Buffy looked at the elderly version of her sister.

"Spoilers..." Dusk's eye twinkled ."Now, let us all clear our minds,": Dusk closed her eyes. "You too Buffy, not that it will be a stretch..." she said the last under her breath.

"Brat..." Buffy smiled, closing her eyes.

"You love me..." Dusk shook her head in amusement, something the millennia old being had not done in an age.

* * *

The back door slammed with a bang followed by the fridge being wrenched open and then closed violently a second later. Buffy sighed from the dining room table, putting her copy of 'So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish' down on the table before picking up her glass, the dregs of orange juice at the bottom of the glass promoting her to stand and enter the kitchen.

Xander was leaning on the kitchen bench, his back to the sink as he solemnly necked a bottle of beer. He looked frustrated as he nodded to Buffy as she entered, the Chosen caressing him on the cheek as she passed him and opened the fridge, retrieving the OJ Carton from the door.

"I'm guessing it's not going very well, " she said as she poured herself a fresh glass of OJ on the island unit.

"No," he said curtly as he finished the beer, and proceeded to grab another bottle from the fridge, depositing his empty one into the recycling bin under the sink. "If it weren't for my healing factor I'm pretty sure my knees would be black and blue." he groused cracking open the second bottle and taking a long pull.

"I read the same Guide entry you did Xand," Buffy moved to his side, placing a hand on his chest. "It can't be that simple, it just can't."

"Buff, you also read the books too."

"Yes..." she looked to the dining room and the book she had placed upside down so it held her place in the narrative.

"And this is a big part of 'Thanks for all the Fish', if Arthur and Fenchurch can fly..."

"But Fenchurch's feet didn't make contact with the ground to begin with and Arthur had the explosion of a mountainside to distract him from hitting the ground," she leaned against the counter next to him, Xander putting an arm around her. "I'm not sure two slayers and a former Hyena are gonna be distraction enough." she placed her head into the crook of his chest.

"They're not!"

Both slayers gave a small start at the voice, each turning a scowl at the door way to the dining room beyond.

"I swear she does that on purpose," Buffy mumbled as each moved to the door way.

Dusk sat at the table, a cup of tea to her lips, a tea set spread out on the table before her as she took a sip. She gestured to the table and the two other tea cups and saucers. Raising an eyebrow at Buffy, Xander pulled a chair out and she sat with a shrug. He pushed her chair in for her and joined her at the table as Dusk began to pour tea for them both.

"I'm sorry Xand, but they are too small of a distraction for you," Dusk passed a full cup and saucer to Buffy with a shaky hand, the Chosen Slayer grabbing the fine china quickly from her frail hand.

"Ok, so what you're saying is I need to go bigger..." Xander said, taking the remaining cup and saucer before the elderly woman could hand it to him to save her the trouble of lifting it.

"No Xander, what I'm saying is there is no distraction big enough to make you miss the ground when you fall..."

"Oh come on," Xander shook his head as sugar and milk was offered to him by Buffy. "There has to be something that could take my attention away from the ground, Arthur Dent-"

"Arthur Dent doesn't have Slayer reflexes, not to mention Spider sense," Dusk frowned at Xander.

"But its flying..."

"We already have repulsor boots as part of our suits from S.H.I.E.L.D., Phil made sure-" Buffy sighed.

"But it would be unassisted flying," Xander put his cup onto his saucer with a rough clink.

"You have web shooters-"

"And I love it, but that's swinging," Xander sat back. "Its mainly falling with style..." he huffed.

"Toy Story," Dusk smiled into her cup. "I miss Pixar movies... And well, all movies..." she frowned. "I'm sorry Xander, but you won't learn to fly this way, even if it is possible in this 'Verse, you have gone through too many changes."

"Stupid heightened senses..." he crossed his arms in a huff. "Spoiling my fun..."

"I see you're doing research," Dusk changed the subject, pointing to the various books and papers at the other end of the table. "How are you liking the books?"

"Much better than research in the past." Buffy reached over and picked up her book. "Giles' books never had flying sexcapades and giant robots declaring 'Take me to your Lizard', at least I don't think so..."

"El Diablo Robótico," Dusk shook her head as she closed her eyes. "The photos in Bristow's Demon Index don't do it justice... It's the eyes," she gestured to her face, "The Devil really out did himself designing that one, but as far as I know it didn't ask to see lizards."

* * *

"It's the Car Park"

"Last Message"

"Car Park"

"Last Message"

"Car Park! We know he'll be there when the show finishes," Hailey said, pointing to the blueprints they had of the restaurant from the Guide spread out on the dining room table, books strewn about around them. "It's where Arthur, Ford, Zaphod and Trillian pick him up and steal Disaster Area's stuntship."

"Yes and then they leave him on it to be burned up in a sun as they save their own asses." Xander shook his head, sitting back in his chair. "Besides, he gets hurled back through time and is rescued and sold to a Mind Zoo. No, we have to pick him up at the Last Message on Preliumtarn, have you read these books since we've been here?"

"Of course I have Xander," Hailey rolled her eyes. "We all have, but I'm just saying we can cut out so much time if we just get his help while he's at Milliways."

"But we have to be precise, do you have any idea how old he becomes because of time travel?"

"Thirty-seven times older than the Universe itself," she quoted crossing her arms. "I grew up with these books, Mum and Dad made them practically required reading for my sister and I, we even listened to the radio plays when we went on long car trips, well those and the Goon Show."

"Exactly - Wait? Goon Show?"

"Even older radio show, Spike Milligan, Harry Secombe, Peter Sellers, 'He's fallen in the water!'" She finished in a high pitched voice. "Its British!" she huffed at his confused look.

"Whatever, he is old to say the least, effectively we could take him from anywhere, anytime, like the 1.5 million years he spent in the swamp on Sqornshellous Zeta turning around in a circle on his stuck leg." he said making a twirling motion with a finger pointed at the ground.

"Exactly," Hailey perked up.

"No," Xander shook his head again. "Because he has to be there for the Krikkit Robots to come wopping in and take him onto their ship. If we miss time it we could screw everything else up. We have to play within the rules of the Universe we're in."

"I beg your pardon?" Hailey stopped at that logic.

"Who wrote the Hitchhikers Trilogy in five parts?" Xander asked.

"Douglas Adams Xand..." Hailey said with a sigh, not sure where he was going with his point.

"What else did he write?"

"Huh?"

"And more importantly, what other Universe did her write for?"

"Ah..." Hailey looked at him blankly trying to think.

"The Whoniverse Hails..." Xander stood, moving to the kitchen.

"Whonisv-Doctor Who?" She stood and followed him.

"Exactly," he opened the pantry and pulled out two Twinkies before throwing one to the younger slayer. "And what did we learn about people who write about other Universes?"

"Uhmmm," She stared at the yellow package in her hand.

"People who write on other universes are a mix between prophet and seer." he began to open his Twinkie. "Only, until we observe the universe they saw, do we get to observe exactly what they observed. A man like Adams might have ignored the timeline rules of the Whoniverse as he wrote on it and seeing as the Hitchhikers Verse is equally as wacky, who knows what he intertwined or didn't." he took a big bite out of his snack. "He was a Writer, and could have added what he wanted to the books."

"There's no evidence-" Hailey began.

"The Marvel universe we just left was much different than what I grew up reading." he finished off his Twinkie. "Ultimates instead of Avengers, Fantastic Four in their late teens-early twenties, Spider-Man in high school, hell Nick Fury was Black!"

"What, he's not mea-"

"No." Xander interrupted, leaning on the sink behind himself. "And the Krikkit men were originally going to appear in a Doctor Who episode before he wrote about them in Life, The Universe and Everything," he crossed his arms. "And each incarnation of Hitchhikers was slightly different, which kinda scares me... So I feel we can only grab the miserable hunk of junk at the Last Message, so we don't screw up the timeline as we have no idea what the timeline rules are of this Universe."

"Bugger..." Hailey opened her Twinkie, and took a quick bite before looking off into the middle distance in thought.

* * *

**A Week After They Had Arrived at The House.**

"Everyone packed?" Buffy called out checking a strap on her tactical vest as she stepped down the stairs slowly. She was dressed in the S.H.I.E.L.D. gear they had received from Agent Coulson, the others all doing the same except for Malika who was dressed in what was becoming her usual, a long flowing skirt and a sleeveless top.

Several voices called back that they were packed and Buffy took her bag of holding from Xander's outstretched arm as he waited in the foyer. Hailey and Mia were in the lounge, each fastening their boots on the couch, John by the mantelpiece holstering his particle weapon before looking over his M1911.

"As I told you Cub," Malika entered from the kitchen. "The kitchen did not replenish your Twinkie stash after you packed it, what you have in your pack is all you will have till you find a supermarket."

"Damn," Xander sighed.

"But the Magic supplies Dusk promised me were there..." she held up a small satchel.

"Is that gonna be enough?" John asked eyeing the small bag.

"Bag of Holding, Mpenzi." she smiled, handing him a bag identical to Xanders. "She was even gracious enough to leave one for you."

"Really?"

"Watcher Pack too if I am not mistaken, minus a few of the books and more ammo," she leaned in close as John reached a hand in and began to pull out a shotgun. "Another box of Twinkies appeared in the cupboard next to it," he put the gun away at her whispering. "So I put them into your pack, hide them from Cub and only give him one at a time after he eats all of his."

"Knew I loved you..." he leaned down to kiss her.

"I thought you guys got that all out of your system?" Xander asked clearing his throat at the couple.

"What about you and Buffy? You get that out of your system?" John shot back.

"Shutting up," Xander blushed, looking at his feet as Buffy looked anywhere but at people's faces.

"Thought so," John grinned, putting an arm around Malika before looking her up and down. "I would feel a lot better if you had on something better in case we run into trouble."

"My powers have grown during our respite. If we should encounter combat I can look after myself."

"At least put on a pair of pants until we get you some gear, they would be better in a fight Asali," he gestured to the girls and their S.H.I.E.L.D. gear. "No chance of tripping."

"If I am forced to fight with my body I will just revert to my base form." she flashed him a wide smile, her eyes flashing yellow.

"Right..." he looked at her sheepishly. "OK, we all ready?" he looked around to the others.

"Yes," Hailey bounded to her feet and held her copy of the Guide in her hand. "Yes, yes, yes!"

"And we just go out the front door?" John asked, his face a mask of worry.

"It is what Dusk said." Malika smirked at the man. "I do not think she would lie."

"Its not that," John said as they all moved to the foyer. "Its just, it seems a little..."

"Easy." Xander supplied.

"Yeah." John replied as Buffy shook her head and opened the door.

White light engulfed them as a black void was revealed behind the open doorway, despite the main windows still showing the front yard and the Sunnydale street beyond it.

"OK, time to stick out our thumbs." Hailey laughed as she went to enter the doorway. "Remember, we need to find an electronic thumb so we can hitch a ride if we want to find-"

She disappeared mid sentence as she crossed the threshold. Mia was next followed by Buffy and Malika.

"After you," John waved Xander on.

"Into the empty void?" Xander asked. "No, no, after you." he smirked at John's uncomfortable look.

"Baby," John moved from foot to foot.

"Right, I'm the baby," Xander grabbed John's arm and pulled him with him through the doorway.

"No, wa-" John yelled as he entered the void, the house now empty.

The house was still for a few seconds after its house guests left. As if an after thought the front door slowly swung closed, before promptly vanishing along with the rest of the residence.

* * *

**Authors Note:** Momma has transformed yet again, now appearing as a woman named Malika, although I might have everyone but John still call her Momma every now and then while she appears human. I tried to look for a name that would suit her as a human and as I researched Swahilli names I came across Malika, meaning Queen, or at least that's what Google led me to believe, so I thought it fitting for a Great Hyena Spirit/Memory.

Next chapter the journey begins! And remember, please review!

**Mpenzi = Lover, Asali = Honey**


	4. Nothing But Void

**Disclaimer in Chapter One - Dinner Reservations**

**Authors Note:** Yeah... So this took a long time. A really long time... Sorry.

* * *

"-it!" John all but yelled.

"-That miserable little robot." Hailey finished as John did. She paused at the strange feeling of one second having been standing and walking, to now once again sitting down at the restaurant table, her fork in her hand, a mouthful of roast beef and gravy on the end. "Huh..." she stared at the food for a few seconds before putting it into her mouth. "Still warm!" she smiled at the others.

"And there is nothing but void, an absence of anything, and everything," the MC's voice wafted over the tables as all diners were staring at the ceiling and the strange picture that nothingness makes when the universe has gone *Suck*! All eyes were on the newly arrived void above them that no one was paying attention to the Scoobies changed clothes or the fact that the Hyena of their group had been replaced by a exotic black woman. "I have been your host, Max Quordlepleen and that is our show for the night!" He yelled as the band once again began to play loudly.

The restaurant's diners began to clap, a majority of them standing, their yells and cheers for Max to stay as thunderous as the thunder and lightning appearing in the Norse God's corner of the large dining hall.

"I want to thank you all for being here for my final Apocalypse," he smiled warmly, the wrinkles on his face cutting though his makeup as the grin was genuine for a change. "I shall miss you all, and this magnificent sight," he lied gesturing to the ceiling and the emptiness beyond. "Good Night, and may the Set bless you all with a worthy ending." He bowed one final time, the spotlight closing and he disappeared back stage.

The band began to play a more mellow song and the tables around them returned to their meals. A few waiters were moving though the tables, delivering boxes of tissues, some of the diners crying at Max's words.

"I guess he knows why we're here," Buffy said, picking up her glass of wine, no longer caring that it was orange, and slightly frothy. "OK everyone, finish up your meals and lets see if we can get backstage."

"What? No dessert?" Hailey and Mia said as one.

"A telephone call for you Ma'am," Mr. Dixle appeared with a silver tray, a fairly normal looking cordless handset laying on it.

"Ah, OK..." Buffy took the offered phone and gingerly put it to her ear. "Hello?"

~Buffy Darling!~ Max's voice called out. ~I'm so happy that you are here, I hope the Set has filled you in on the plan,~ his delight was practically buzzing through the line. ~In a minute,~ he said to someone in the background as there was a large commotion.

"Ah, Mr Quartlepee?"

~Quordlepleen, but just call me Maxxie Darling... I said in a minute!~ once again he said this off mic to someone who was talking to him in the background. ~Listen, its all a go back here, Mr. Dixle will bring you backstage after you are finished with your meal, but sit back, relax and have a pudding or two, there seems to be some business with my paperwork I have to sort out before we can leave, hopefully I can rectify it by the time you are done with dessert.~

"Al-alright, ah, Maxxie," Buffy said shrugging to Xander as he smiled at the name.

~And don't worry about the bill, I have already informed Mr. Dixle to put it on my tab, so order whatever you want and I'll have the Sober Booth fired up and ready for you all to pop into before we head off on your tasks... Fine, I'm hanging up!~ the last was shouted before the line went dead.

"Oh," Buffy pulled the phone away from her ear and stared at it before putting it back on the offered silver tray.

"I take it that was the MC?" John asked, downing his bourbon that wasn't quite bourbon.

"Yes, when we want we can go backstage to meet him," She looked around the table. "He said to have dessert and spare no expenses... And something about a Sober Booth?" she turned to their Waiter.

"A small cubical towards the lobby as well as in the car park of the restaurant Madam," Mr. Dixle informed the table. "Simply insert your choice of currency or credit and the most drunkest and falling over being is transformed into the soberest of religious deities, if said deity was on the wagon, so to speak." he smiled. "Those beings with two heads are asked to use one of the wall mounted booths in the car park as each head must be sober before we ask that you travel through time. Now, what can I tempt you for dessert? Sweets? More alcohol?"

"Bourbon," John raised his glass.

"Bhurrbin it is," he smiled as he corrected the man. "Anyone else?"

* * *

He had to leave his room.

They would all pay.

He had to leave the two naked Lintillas, both on retainer, in his bed.

They would all hurt.

He had to get dressed and sober up.

They would all die.

"All right, what is all the fuss," The owner of Milliways, Drector Geenoo, barged backstage though double doors he had installed just so on occasions like this he could barge though them. "I was just into my third month of being sexually and mentally whacked out of my mind and every second I'm here and sober the pair of Lintilla's I have back in my room will start to get ideas without me."

He was dressed in a suit so expensive it could have put entire countries bankrupt just from touching it. He was a tall terracotta skinned man, bald with an air of hating everything around him that was poor, or at least had an inkling it might not have any money. He straightened his tie and looked at the stage manager and then to Max.

"Ideas?" Max asked.

"Yeah, such as not wanting to spend the rest of my life in my bed with me." Drector pointed to Peesht. "You, bat thingy, you made front of house bring me in, spill the info or spill your blood."

"They didn't tell you-"

"No, now talk," the owner pulled a knife from his pocket and began to clean his fingernails with it.

"Ah, ahmm, I'm Peesht," he gulped, looking at the knife. "I'm the Stage Manager and ah..." he closed his eyes for a second, a short trill escaping him as he used his echo location to get a better look at the owner. "Ah..." he opened his eyes quickly as the mental image of the being made his heart race. "Mr Quordlepleen is leaving the show." he blurted out.

"Is that so..." Drector turned to Max. "That's funny, cos I got paperwork that says otherwise, I got you here and at The Bar for the rest of your life."

"Or until the Slayer arrives." Max said with a smug smile. "Whichever came first."

"The Slayer? Who the Belgium is the Slayer?" he looked around the backstage area. When he didn't get an answer he sighed and tapped his wrist watch, the device giving a chirp. "Where are my Lawyers?" his eyes flashed red for a second as his message was sent before a large group of official looking beings shuffled in, all with large binders in their hands.

"Sorry Sir we were-EKK!" the lead lawyer began before Drector's knife was thrown and imbedded into his forehead. He slumped to the ground, pink blood oozing from the wound.

A couple of stage hand robots sprang into action and grabbed the now dead lawyers arms and dragged it out of the room, a third robot retrieved the knife, polished the blood off and handed it to the Owner.

"Well? Don't make me repeat myself..." he said when no one spoke.

"The Slayer is Buffy Summers Mr Geenoo Sir," a Lawyer stepped forward after being pushed by a couple others in the group. "She is a fictional character from a very old Earth entertainment show." she held up a Tri-D box of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, along with Max's contract.

"A TV Star?" he laughed, snatching the box and the contract. He took one look at the cover, whistled as he took the blonde girl in and then threw it back to the lawyer. "I don't give a Dolphin's fart about no TV Star." he began to rifle through the contract.

"But you have to Sir," the lawyer paused as Drector looked at her sharply. "Ah... Page 394, paragraph two, section eight, pertains to her very clearly."

The Owner turned back to the contract and read the passage to himself, turned to Max, the MC smiling smugly at him.

"Mr Quordlepleen shall only be released from his performance obligations at The Big Bang Burger Bar and Milliways, the Restaurant at the End of The Universe, once the confirmation of either his own death, with proof his soul has vacated all living planes of existence, or if Buffy Summers, the fictional character of her own self titled series, visits either eating and entertainment establishments." he growled out the last few words, his eyes flashing red once again, his grip on his knife tight enough that if it was a living thing its neck would have snapped. "Didn't youse learn anything when that Federation ship Exitprise almost crashed into the car park?"

"It was called the Enterprise Sir..." Peesht found his voice.

"The amount of dimensional radiation this restaurant is exposed to on each trip though the end of everything, the walls in Reality-" he paused and then narrowed his eyes at the lawyers, he pointed his knife at them. "What bozo let this clause into his contract?"

"Ah..." the Lawyer looked down at the ground and the robot stage hand who was cleaning up the blood trail on the floor.

"I just killed him, didn't I?" Drector huffed, the lawyer nodded her head vigorously, the other lawyers following suit just as quickly. He sighed again and pushed his wrist watch again. "Don't throw that lawyer away, have him revived and patched up," he spoke into his watch. "Treat him with the utmost respect, take him on vacation, give him a drink or two with a little umbrella and some fruit stuck on the rim," he said pleasantly. "Then shoot him between the eyes!" he yelled into his watch. "Then revive him and do it all again! And keep doing it until I tell you to stop!"

He then threw the contract at the lawyer, turned again to Max, and again the MC smiled smugly at him, only this time it seemed wider somehow.

* * *

"I'm, I'm just sayin'" John leaned in close to Xander, both of the men had lopsided grins on their faces. "We should stock... Ah, stock up on this stuff." he raised his glass and clinked it into Xander's own before giggling into his as he drank.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah..." Xander agreed. "But I still have that cask from Thor, remem-remember?" he too took a gulp of his drink.

"Oh, right... The battery assid, er, acid," he nodded, then closed his eyes as the room moved too fast.

"It's designed for Gods..." Xander corrected. "It was over a thousand year-years old even, its not for mortal men like you." he smiled into his glass. "But I will admit, this stuff tastes better."

"I can still kick your ass." John giggled, Xander joining him.

"I can't believe you Solider," Malika grabbed John's glass out of his hand.

"Hey!" John said lazily when he realised he wasn't holding his drink any more, a fact he only noticed when he went to take another mouthful and ended up with only air.

"Is now really the time to be drinking?" she said sternly, looking at both men with a motherly disapproval. Xander swallowed his mouthful and put his glass down at her steady gaze, pushing the glass away from himself.

"The MC said he has a sober booth. Sober booth! If there's ever a time-" he turned to Xander. "Do you think we can fit it into one of the bags of holding? It could come in handy."

"Maybe the wall mounted ones," Hailey thought out loud.

"Xander's adamantium claws could probably cut it out of the wall," Mia added. "And the bags of holding can hold a lot, we stole a ton-" she stopped when Hailey elbowed her.

"What was I saying?" John turned back to Malika.

"The MC," she raised an eyebrow.

"Right! He, he said to enjoy ourselves, and if what the Set said is true, it might be a while before we can do this kind of thing again." he pointed to the large plate that was in front of Buffy, Hailey and Mia. "Just try the dessert and lighten u-up!" he reached forward, grabbed a spoon and dug into the large chocolate pudding.

"You should try this Momma," Mia said with her mouth full. "Its really good."

"It's actually chocolate," Buffy almost moaned as she licked her spoon. "I could gorge myself on this stuff." she scooped another spoonful and ate it. "Its so good!"

"Here, try," John held out the spoon for her. "Try it, its even got a cherry on top." he nodded to the flashing red cherry on the spoonful of mousse. "It lights up and-and everything!" he flourished with his other hand.

Xander's brain buzzed, his drunkenness lifting almost instantly as he sensed danger. He looked around before he stopped on the spoon John was inching closer to Malika's face. He didn't think, just reacted, shooting a web at the spoon, yanking it out of Johns hand. He caught it and stared at the flashing red cherry as it began to flash faster. He smiled at it, his drunkenness returning, he looked around at the others, all of them staring at his antics.

"Heh," he shrugged with a laugh, before his eyes went wide again and he grabbed the bowl of the spoon, wrapping his hand around it, the flashing visible through his flesh before there was a small *POP* and half the flesh of his hand exploded in his face.

"Whoa!" John jumped back, almost falling out of his chair as he stood and pulled his particle weapon, pointing it at the chocolate mousse, the others standing from the table too.

"Ouch!" Xander said, wiping his face with his napkin, his hand repairing itself already.

"Girls, back up!" Buffy threw her spoon at the table and pulled her Scythe.

"What seems to be the problem?" Mr. Dixle appeared, his hands clasped before him.

"Our dessert is booby trapped," John gestured with his weapon at the plate.

"What did you expect when you ordered the Death by Chocolate?" he rolled his eyes. Each turned to him and stared. "I assume by your expressions you were not aware of the finality of the dish..." they all nodded slowly. "That explains why you were all excited when I served it to the table."

"I think now is a good time for you to take us backstage Mr. Dixle." Malika informed him as she took Johns weapon away from him, engaged the safeties and put it back in his holster for him.

"Very good Ma'am," the waiter bowed slightly. "If you will follow me."

"Just a moment Mortal." a booming voice said from behind them followed by a crash of thunder and lightning. "I will speak with the Chosen."

They all turned, coming face to leather clad stomach, then they were forced to look up at the towering man of muscle who had spoken.

"Slayer." the winged helmeted tower of a man nodded at Buffy. "Allow me to introduce myself..."

* * *

"You will never work in this Universe ever again," Drector was following Max around his dressing room as he packed his things. "If you leave I will retire you so hard your ghost will be killed before you are." he threatened as the bravest lawyer coughed. "What?" he yelled, turning on the woman.

"Contract," she began to flip through pages. "There was a retirement clause too Sir." she handed him the papers with a shaking hand. "He can not be harmed by you or anyone in your employ at either of your establishments."

"That belgiuming lawyer again, right?" he snatched the contract and read the fine print.

"Well..." The lawyer looked to her fellow workers guiltily, her eyes landing on one specific lawyer, the man quickly shaking his head no. "Yes Sir," she said with a shrug as the other let out a breath of relief.

"Look, this has been fun," Max lied as he handed a couple shirts to the robot who was packing his large trunk. "But I really have to get going, and seeing as you have no power over me now..."

"I have power Quordlepleen," the Owner sneered.

"But not a legal leg to stand on," Max laughed as there was a knock on the door. "Ah, they are here." he rushed to the door and swung it open enthusiastically, a sight Peesht had not seen in many nights after the ending of the Universe. "Darlings!" Max gestured the Scoobies in, he hugged each as they entered, pausing to give Mia and Hailey air kisses before looking around. "Where are Ms. Summers and Momma?"

"Ah, well..." Xander slurred.

"They's got held up..." John smiled. "Sober Booth?" he asked, wobbling slightly.

"Your other guests ran into another diner and his party," Mr. Dixle offered as Max pointed to a phone booth looking device in the corner. "They stopped to have, ah, 'words' with the large gentleman." he eyed the Owner, a sudden urge to be somewhere else than in his presence and giving this news.

"Words?" Max parroted before catching on "The Thunderer? Thor?"

"Yep! His hammer is practically puny..." John laughed, Xander holding up the mystical hammer they had confiscated before Buffy and Malika began to fight with the Norse god. It was made of stone and leather, just a little bit bigger than a sledge hammer. "Makes you think what our Thor was over compensating for with his, cos his was Huuuuugggge-"

"In you go." Hailey pushed the man into the booth, closing it behind him and it activated.

"This Slayer gal is fighting in my restaurant?" Drector asked annoyed. "With the Asgardians?" at Mr. Dixle's nod he threw the contract down on the ground and ran out of the room. "Those phoney Gods better pay for any damages!" he yelled. "Being sober for this isn't worth it." his eyes flashed red again, the lawyers following him out of the dressing room too.

"I will bring the others from your party back here once they are finished with their, ah, conversation." Mr. Dixle bowed slightly before leaving.

"Thank you Mr. Dixle." Max called after the Waiter.

"Do y-you have a large account here?" Xander asked as Max as he tossed the hammer from one hand to the other, arcs of lightning trailing it in the air

"Oh yes, not a problem," Max smiled before Xander fumbled the hammer toss and it fell to the ground in a shower of sparks.

"Good, good." Xander smiled apologetically as Mia picked up the hammer and put it into her bag. "Oh, we also want a couple bottles of whatever rotgut Dixledee served us," Xander added as the booth opened with a puff of steam.

"Wooooo!" John yelled, surprising everyone as he walked out as fresh as a daisy.

"That can be arranged," Max smiled before informing a robot stage hand to fill the order.

"That was an experience," John slapped his stomach with his hands. "Your turn kiddo."

"Ah... Shouldn't I give it five minutes to air-air out or something?" Xander eyed the booth, swaying back and fourth trying to stand up straight. "I always gave the bathroom a wide birth when my dad was finished with it growing up..." he eyed the booth.

"Go," John pushed him in, the booth closing automatically.

"So, the Set explained everything?" Max asked as they waited for the booth to finish.

"Yeah..." John crossed his arms. "We got a job to do."

The doors hissed open on the booth, steam wafting out before a fresh looking Xander took a step out.

"Yeah, I need to get one of these," he pointed a thumb over his shoulder. "Do you have any idea what my parents would have been like as I was growing up if we had one of these at home?" he began to investigate the booth. "Especially if it had a reverse mode on it."

"I am sorry you were dragged into this," Max handed more things to a robot to pack in his trunk. He turned to the girls, a warm smile on his face. "This will be no life for a child, even ones with your power." he said sadly to them.

"There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be," Malika said from the doorway.

"John Lennon," Max smiled. "He was a very smart Celestial... But his latest works have really gone downhill after Yoko left him."

"Lennon is alive here?" John and Xander said as one as Malika and Buffy, the troll hammer at Buffy's side, moved into the dressing room. Both still looking beautiful, not a hair out of place and not like they just fought a bunch of Norse Gods.

"Of course, although he is on his third or fourth planet now, as well as his fifth McCartney I think...?" he gestured to Buffy and Malika. "Ladies," he hugged each in turn, air kissing them on each cheek, pausing at Malika to look her over, his eyes seeming to shine as he took her in. "The Set has touched you," he closed his eyes and gave her a long, drawn out sniff, his lungs seeming to take forever to fill. "Yes, I know that power anywhere. So, how did the Norse fair?"

"Let's just say the Marvel Verse lucked out with their Thor, this place not so much." Buffy smiled as Max frowned. "We had just knocked them all out and were on our way here when some burnt orange skinned guy in a suit barrelled into us and started shouting at everyone."

"Drector Geenoo, the owner," Max nodded.

"Oh, oops." Buffy got a guilty look on her face.

"You hit him?" Max asked.

"He flew about 20 feet." Buffy wiped a smear of blood from the face of her hammer.

"In her defence," Malika began, her eyes flashing yellow. "She was the one who got to him first. My teeth would have done worse than break his jaw as her hammer did."

"He startled me is all," Buffy huffed. "With the booby trapped dessert and large viking god wannabes I was hitting, I'm on edge, I mean, who comes storming up, shouting their head off at someone who's in a fight?"

"I think we should take this distraction and make our leave. Robots," Max smiled and called to the few who were securing various trunks. "Get all this onto my pleasure time craft, at once. Then bring the craft to us in the lobby." he snapped his fingers and the robots began moving, taking the trunks out of the room.

Everyone watched as the robots worked before they were left in a significantly empty dressing room.

"Ladies," Max held out both arms for Buffy and Malika. "If you would please," he waited for them to link arms with him. "Peesht, it was not a pleasure, I hope to never see you again. Come on slayers, boys, we are off."

* * *

**The Lobby**

Several backstage corridors later and they found themselves in the lobby, a swarm of restaurant patrons waiting for Max, each either clicking away on cameras or thrusting autograph books in the MC's face. He unhooked his arms from Buffy and Malika, smiling and waving to his fans as he took the first pad that was in his reach.

"Thank you, thank you," he signed autographs quickly. "I know, I know..." he soothed as a couple beings were openly weeping. "It will be alright, remember, you can always pick up my various albums and vids from the gift shop, they come in a variety of formats, both obsolete and current, to suit even the most backwards of technological planets."

Buffy herself was asked for her signature, the Slayer taken aback as she hastily signed the books, one large being putting his arm around her and giving a peace sign as his friend took their photo much to her surprise and awkwardness.

"I met the Slayer!" the being yelled to his friend as they both waddled away. "My friends are gonna be so jealous!"

"I still say Starbuck could kick her ass" The friend looked back at Buffy.

"Kara Thrace doesn't have super powers Doogh." The big being whacked his friend in the back of the head.

"She's still a bad ass Yetl."

"True..." they disappeared into the car park.

"Weird..." Xander said, pushing an autograph book away as someone recognised him.

"I'll say, I can kick some random girls ass," Buffy smiled another pad presented to her as she scribbled away.

"No, well yeah," Xander still watched the car park door. "You could, but, Starbuck... She should be a he..." at Buffy's look he continued. "Battlestar Galactica, TV show."

"Alright, alright!" Max called out stopping everyone. "As much as I love my enduring fans," his fake smile was back, his teeth large and white as a large sleek pleasure craft swam fluidly to a stop outside the lobby doors. "But we must really be off, I have a little errand to run with the Slayer and her group before I get to begin my retirement," he checked his wrist and the sparkling watch that was there. "And I should have been drunk a whole universe ending ago." He laughed, others around them joining them.

Several robots appeared now, opening the lobby doors and forming a column for the Scoobies to follow him down, the patrons trying to follow but the bots succeeded in holding them back.

"Ah, my ever loving, manic obsessed fans..." Max's smile vanished as he moved through the doorway. "Oh how I won't miss them" he said under his breath as they approached the slick looking white craft, the shape reminding the Earthlings of a salmon, without the scales, or the large mouth.

"Is there an attendant?" Hailey asked quickly giving Xander a pointed look, the man shaking his head at her actions.

The doorway opened with a soft hiss, the white shiny metal door moving outwards slowly at first before swinging open and a set of white marble like stairs melted into being. A robot haphazardly stepped down one rung at a time before holding out an arm and gesturing to the open door.

"Your craft Sir," it bowed.

"Does he normally park the ships?" Hailey asked Max as he himself gestured to first Buffy and than Malika, waving them into the luxury time craft.

"I don't pay attention to that kind of thing sweetie," Max waved the girl off.

"I do not ma'am," the robot turned to Hailey. "But for some reason we can't find the guy who usually does"

"Told you," Xander pushed the girl in front of himself to follow the others in entering the ship.

Buffy was first in and paused at the threshold, taking in the ships strange interior. There were no hard surfaces, everything was covered in either cushions, carpet, crushed velvet or what looked like some kind of silken fabric that seemed to undulate by itself. Couches and what looked like large squishy beds were scattered about the craft, some even started on the deck and continued up the walls, others began on the walls and bent themselves up along the ceiling. Buffy must have been staring at one of the couches on the ceiling as everyone entered the vehicle as Max was soon next to her, nodding up to it.

"All the walls and ceilings have 'Grav-U-Like' plaiting incorporated in them, so feel free to stretch out on any surface," he grinned, putting an arm around her. "If anyone wishes to be intimate, there are reproductive inhibitors and privacy bubbles provided in each bed side table." he moved off towards the front of the craft. "And don't worry about the bedding, its all self cleaning." he paused at a doorway before looking the pleasure time craft over. "You should have seen the mess left behind when I had Eccentrica Gallumbits over," he got a silly look on his face as he remembered that time trip. "She was only on board for six hours, and the ship cleaned itself nine times, I had to replace the ceiling bed." he pointed to the main bed above him.

Each younger slayer gave a disgusted look as they stared at the bed, John had a huge grin on his face and Malika looked to Buffy and Xander with a knowing look as each got caught with a questioning look at the other.

"So," Max called back from the doorway, various beeps and whirrs sounding. "Where to first?" He asked as Buffy and Xander reached the doorway and saw Max sitting in a plush armchair, flight controls in front of him.

"Ah, well, we need a few supplies," Buffy watched the man flipping switches and pushing buttons.

"And some gear we want replicas made of." Xander added.

"Ohhh..." Max turned to face the pair. "I know just the place!"

* * *

**Eddie's Repli-Mat Warehouse of Duplicated Items**

The time trip was surprisingly quick once Max knew where they wanted to go. The Set had provided them with quite a few supplies in the Summers house, but there were some things they still needed.

"No finer Repli-Mat than Eddie's," Max had informed them as he had parked in a space outside the front doors of the large suburb sized warehouse store. As they exited the craft Mia hit Hailey to get the other girls attention, pointing to a sign next to the space they were parked in, a large sign informed them they were parked in a Celebrity parking spot.

"Weird..." Mia said.

"Adams," Hailey answered sagely.

As soon they were inside they were accosted by a swarm of small, round, melon sized robots. They sere simple in appearance, each the colour of grey steel, with a smiley face painted on their front, a single camera in their forehead and a small slot at the bottom that lit up as they spoke. Each had a rubberised antenna at the top and small retractable arms at their sides. Each bot kept pushing itself in front of the others, the Scoobies having to duck every now and then as they invaded their personal space. As the bots swooped, bobbed, pushed and shoved around them they shouted out different departments and where they might be found in the large building.

"Weapons, aisle 52!"

"Toiletries, aisle 388!"

"Step-Parents, aisle 40!"

"Window treatments, aisle 224!"

"Limbs, extra and replacement, aisle 500!"

"Friends, real and imaginary, aisle 666!"

"Alcohol, aisles 700 to 958!"

"Hold it!" John bellowed as he had enough swatting away the annoying bots. At once bots froze in place before pointing their painted on happy smiling faces at him. "We want tactical gear, mechanics, metallurgy, robotics and hitchhikers supplies."

"And snacks." Xander added quickly. At the looks he got from the others he shrugged. "I am not going Universe hopping with one box of Twinkies in my pack."

The robots seemed to think about what they needed before the swarm left, leaving one lone bot hovering before them.

"I can help you with your requests, where to first?" The round bot hovered up and down in a sort of bow.

* * *

**Milliways: The Restaurant at the End of the Universe**

The doctor moved the instrument over the Owners jaw, its ray stitching his bone back together, clearing the dead blood and healing the crushed tissue that was his broken and severely dislocated jaw. His eyes flashed red permanently now, the Owner proud he had gotten the eye upgrade when he had had his extensive plastic surgeries.

"Eyemm goonta 'ill 'em!" Drector said through clenched teeth as his jaw was mended. "Ake 'eye EmSee and 'estroy 'eye 'estaurant 'efore nearly decapitating me with a hammer!" He yelled the last of the sentence once he could move his jaw again.

"There we are sir," the doctor smiled at his patient. "Good as new, or as new as the last time I operated on you."

"I want that Slayer dead!" Drector ignored the Doctor.

"Maybe I should give you a pigmentation touch up, you're looking a little green," the doctor reached into his bag for another instrument.

"No!" Drector swatted the doctors hand away. "Restore my original hue."

"Really?" The doctor gasped. "But, my beautiful work," he gestured to the Owners body. "I did all that work to get rid of that repulsive green."

"I'll need it," he looked at the robots cleaning the wreckage of the fight around them, the bots cleaning around the still unconscious Asgardians. "I have to contact my brothers, they have a ship to find."

"Bleegh," the Doctor wrinkled his nose as he moved a new instrument over the Owners skin, the terracotta orange beginning to change to a sickly dull green. "Let me go back to my office before you contact them, I can't stand Vogons."

"Few beings do..." the Owner smiled widely, his features seeming to turn ugly for a second or two.

* * *

**Author's Note:** OK, we are off, bad guy has been introduced, next up, shopping!

Please review.


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